What I’ve Learned as an Ally, an Advocate, and the Christian Mom of a Gay Child


“Victory is not won in miles, but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more.” - Louis L’Amour I’m amazed at all I have learned over the last 18 months -- since I came out of the closet as the Christian parent of a gay child, and began my work as an ally and advocate for the LGBTQ community. I share what I’ve discovered, along with my takeaway, and hope it speaks to your heart.Being in the minority is not easy. When I came out as an ally, I dreaded the rea … [Read more...]

Parents, Are We Protecting or Destroying Our Gay Children?


Did anyone see “Twice-Told Tales,” the 1963 horror classic with Vincent Price? It’s a campy retelling of three of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s short stories, perfect for Halloween. (I won’t watch for-real scary movies – yikes, are you kidding??!)As I watched the middle story, "Rappaccini's Daughter," I thought of you – you’ll see why.Rappaccini is a scientist who infects his daughter with radioactive poisoning, so that anyone who touches her will die. (Uh... Thanks, Dad.)His idea is to prot … [Read more...]

Would You Rather Have a Gay Child or a Dead Child?


I am sorry if the title of this post shocks you, or strikes you as harsh or over-dramatic. But honestly, parents don’t realize what they’re asking of their LGBTQ kids. And they don't realize what their rejection is doing to them.This is not about inclusion. This is a matter of life and death.By making their children stick to their own expectations and standards for them — whether they really think their gay child is going to hell or honestly are just ashamed of them — parents are asking t … [Read more...]

I Wept Over All The Missed Time


"I started to look at her again as my cousin whom I love, not as a 'label.' And I started to grieve. I grieved all the time I judged her, stayed away, labeled her, instead of just loving her. I wept over all the missed time."When you read this, does anyone come to mind?  Your child, parent, brother, sister, family member, dear friend?Someone sure comes to mind for me.We act like we have forever, that we will always have time to reconcile - but it's a lie and it's a trap. And the … [Read more...]

Jesus Blog: The Important Parts of the Body


More today from my Saturday “Jesus Blog” (or maybe today it's "Mr. Potato Head Jesus Blog") - a word from Jesus to you… :-) How are you doing? I've been thinking about you.I like the image of all of you as 'part of a body.'Each has a function, each needs the others, and none is more important than the rest.Every part has a key role to play. And if one part becomes sore or injured, the other parts do what they can to support it and help it.Many of you reading this have been abu … [Read more...]

Dear Susan: You Are Endorsing What God Calls an Abomination


What kind of love is it to call a fellow human being, maybe even your own child, an abomination? What kind of love is it to tell someone they are going to hell? That you are disgusted by them because of something they are doing? What kind of love is it to tell someone they are no longer welcome in church, or welcome in their own home because of who they are or what they do??And how can someone do any or all of that in Jesus name??One of my readers says and does those kinds of things, all … [Read more...]

Are You Infected With Religion?


Our friend Bobby was a hemophiliac. At one point, he needed a blood transfusion; unfortunately, Bobby received his transfusion in the 80s, before they thoroughly screened donated blood for the HIV virus.Bobby was among the last children who caught the HIV virus from a blood transfusion.We all have a God-shaped vacuum -- I truly believe we do -- a vacuum only God can fill. But most of us who have received our transfusion from Jesus got it in the "Christian era," which is infected with the … [Read more...]

When Our Daughter Came Out


Four years ago our daughter came out to us. She was 20. Here’s one of my first thoughts: we’ll never be the same in the church.No kidding.My daughter is telling me something very intimate and scary, several thoughts are going through my head, and I am a little surprised to realize that one is about how the church relationship would never be the same. Not just our then-church but the evangelical tradition we’d been in for 20+ years. They don't accept gays, and no way are we going to squee … [Read more...]

For Gay & For Straight – A Place At The Table


Is there an empty chair at your table?Is your table big enough for everyone? Young and old? Women and men? Those who have hurt you? Those you have hurt? For gays, lesbians, transgender, bisexual, queer? Everyone?What about God's table?  Do you believe God welcomes everyone - as they are?This is Rob, Susan's husband writing today. :-) I was moved to tears at a recent church service. It was organized by the Queer Alliance at a seminary, and held during LGBTQ Pride Week.Jesus had a … [Read more...]

The Right Way to Love God?


What does a "godly" person look like? Is there a right way to love God? Is there a correct path to follow Jesus?I recently returned from my fourth "Christian" conference of the year.January I was in Chicago for the Gay Christian Network Annual Conference, where some 700 people gathered to celebrate, learn, and share community. Rob and I were among 200 parents, the rest were LGBTQ people, mostly in their 20s and 30s, gathered in the name of Christ. The worship, the camaraderie, the joy of … [Read more...]