Who Ya Gonna Call? Sinbusters!

Who Ya Gonna Call? Sinbusters! May 14, 2013


My desire is to pull us beyond the question of “sin and no sin” and to the place of “now what?” What if someone you love tells you he or she is gay or lesbian? Where do you go with that? I’ve been writing on viewing this through a different lens, opening the possibility that it is not the slam-dunk we are taught, based on intensive study on both sides. I know some of you who are wrestling with this.

But many of you have no room for doubt that this is a sin, period. Now what? If you have been shocked by a son or daughter or cousin or sister or friend who has revealed he is gay, where do you go from there? I have seen the heartache parents have gone through. The years of talk about the wedding and the grandchildren, and all that you had in mind, now lies in a crumpled heap. To grieve the loss of your images is healthy and expected. But that is not the same as trying to change them.

We seemed to have the idea as Christians that we are supposed to address, convict and excise each other’s sin. When were we instructed that — and when has it ever worked? We can hear from gays, lesbians, college dropouts, pregnant young women, drummers, who have been shut out of their family until they change their ways. This is not biblical. And this is not Jesus’ heart. Let’s instead imagine this.

Your son Nick has told you he’s gay. You are sitting across from him telling him everything you can think of and Jesus walks in the room. Jesus says, “Would you like me to talk to him?” You turn to Him and say, “No, no, I got this.” How ludicrous would that be? Let’s say Jesus does sit across from Nick. His interaction will likely look quite different from yours (wouldn’t it?). Perhaps Jesus is just saying, “Hey, Nick, what’s going on in your life?” He’s engaging with him, but you are impatient. Finally you say, “Jesus, you are just not moving quickly enough. You’ve talked to him for three months now and I haven’t heard you tell him this is wrong, he’s wrong, and he has to stop it.” Jesus looks at you with that beautiful smile I always imagine on Him as He talks to His beloved and headstrong children! He says, “My child, trust Me. Let Nick be, and you trust Me.”

You wait another few months, maybe a year, but Nick is not changing. You come back to Jesus. “Perhaps I should talk to him again,” you find yourself saying, boldly. “If he’s not going to listen to You, maybe he’ll listen to me!” You hear how preposterous this is, but you can’t help it.

Jesus smiles again. “You think that if He won’t listen to me, he will listen to you?” You don’t talk. “And who says he’s not listening to Me?” You’re dumbfounded. This is not what you expected to hear. Or wanted to hear. He speaks again. “I want you to continue to come to Me, My sweet. Walk through this with Me. But leave Nick alone about it. He listening to Me more than you know.”

This is not an easy road, mostly because no one — least of all Christians — expects their child to be gay. It isn’t in our thought process. But the damage caused by requiring change, or secrecy, or celibacy is told in countless tragic stories.

If you have discovered that a loved one or you yourself has same-sex attraction, love them, love yourself, and bring it all to Jesus. Trust Him to do what He will do. Let Him take you wherever He wants to take you. And let Him bring you that peace that is beyond understanding. My thoughts and heartfelt prayers are with you.

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  • Shannon McRoy

    Hi Susan,

    Instead of telling people what Jesus would say (as you see it in your imagination), why don’t you listen to what He actually said about it…..

    Jesus IS the Word (John 1:1)

    The Word (Jesus) said, “They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen. That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved. Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done.” Romans 1:25-28

    Does that sound like a smiling Jesus sitting at the dinner table? It sounds to me more like an extremely grieved father (much like the parents you are attempting to encourage) who is having to make the tough decision to separate Himself from someone He dearly loves because of their refusal to abandon their immorality. No where in the text does it say He quit loving them- but He had to set appropriate boundaries because he loved them. Boundaries with your children are good- they are difficult and often cause conflict and pain but they are necessary for the well-being of your child I learned that while sitting in your Bible Study class. It is CERTAINLY within the role of a parent to address their child’s sin and get them all the help they can.


    If you have been or are currently attempting to help your child walk away from a sinful lifestyle, please don’t be discouraged….. that is your job as a parent. However, the greatest work toward that end will be done on your knees. Ultimately, your child belongs to his/her Creator who is grieving right along with you. Set appropriate boundaries on behavior and let Jesus’ love shining through you win them to Christ and His path for them.


    When I read the closing verse in Romans, it immediately reminded me of your blog….

    “They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. WORSE YET, THEY ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO DO THEM, TOO.”

  • Bobby, love your great comment. You nailed it. Jesus took the “religious” (superior, fanatical, popular opinion, etc) interpretation and turned it on its head! At every turn. To the point that the religious people hated Him. And killed Him. We want to be extremely cautious if we sound like unloving religious leaders, given Jesus’ scathing remarks to them. He couldn’t have been further from what they expected as their Savior. Yet, He provided infinitely more than they could have anticipated. Remarkable. Thanks for your insight.