One of the most spectacular weekends of my life was the time of my daughter’s wedding! I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. Here’s what I got to enjoy: a Friday night crawfish boil with both families eating, drinking, and enjoying each other. Saturday morning of beignets and coffee, and a walk down Magazine Street with all the girls.
Helping my daughter with her makeup and outfit and flowers. (She didn’t need help–I needed to help.) Telling her how absolutely beautiful she looked. A wedding under a giant tree in Audubon Park. Holding hands with my husband as we all walked out of the park. Dinner and dancing and wine and joy. All my kids together laughing and hugging and joy overflowing. Memories that will last the rest of my life.
If you have been invited to your LGBTQ child’s wedding, there is a place that is exclusively for you, a chair only you can fill.
When I hear from parents that they refuse to attend their child’s wedding, just because that child is part of the LGBTQ community, I am deeply saddened. It is a loss for them as well as their child. It is a deep wound. And, it is a mistake. I believe most parents, if they are in any way listening to the God they claim, will end up regretting having missed their child’s spectacular day.
Here are 11 reasons why you should attend your LGBTQ child’s wedding.
Reasons You Should Absolutely Go to Your Child’s Wedding!
- It’s your child! The one you brought into this world, the one you swore to love because—again—it’s your child.
- Withholding your love is not an option. You don’t get to decide if you agree or disagree with who they are. Think about it. You’d be devastated if they did that to you—if they decided not to participate in your celebration of something important to you, even if they disagreed with it. Family is family. Your job is to love. Your job is to be there.
- This is important to them. You may not have loved every soccer game they played but you were there, because it was important to them.
- This will not make the statement you think it will. No one will say, “Your parents sure are committed Christians—look how they missed your wedding!” No. They will say, “I can’t believe your parents are so self-righteous—and selfish—that they made this day all about them instead of you.” And they will be right.
- To miss their wedding is selfish. This is the time to lay down your own wishes, and love when you don’t feel like it. If it is really about your own discomfort at seeing two men or two women get married, it’s time to lay down your own wishes, and love when it’s uncomfortable. This is their day, not yours. And you should be there.
- It’s not about you. You had your own wedding and invited who you wanted. This is their wedding and they invited who they wanted to – including you! Don’t make it political or religious or self-righteous. Make it family and make it love. And act accordingly.
- It’s now or never. You can’t take this back. As your faith matures you and you realize God never asked to miss your child’s wedding, you will not be able to turn back the clock and go to the wedding later. This is it.
- They will never forget. Ten years from now, after you have sought your child out because you want to be part of their life, because you want to see those grandchildren, and same-sex marriage is so common you will wonder what the big deal was (remember the big deal over interracial marriage?), they will still remember that you didn’t go to their wedding. They will forgive because they are generous like that, but you will still both know that you missed their wedding.
- You don’t want to miss their wedding! How many do you get anyway? You only have so many children’s weddings to go to, and you are the only one who can fill that role of parent. They may ask someone else to stand in if you decline, but it’s still your role. You are still the one who belongs there.
- You will be okay if you go. You may think it’s a very big deal right now, and very scary, but it’s not. It’s your child, whom you love, committing their future to the love of their life. You are still their parent and, if they want you there, be there for their special day!
- Family is not a choice. This is the child God gave you. Period. Your child never got a choice about the family they came into. They had no choice but to accept your family as is, quirks and all. Now it is your turn to accept who your child is, as they are. That’s how it works. Step up to the plate now and participate.
They want to marry someone they love, of the same gender. They want us there, and we won’t go? We are without justification.
Please, please, please, if you are invited, join your child for one of the most important days of their life.
You won’t ever regret it.