At a time when a parent weeps uncontrollably, mourning the death of their precious child, what would possibly drive a father to refuse to claim the dead body of his son? Oh wait, he told us: the son was gay.
Where is the love?
Is the middle of the unspeakable pain of losing your child to a senseless act of hate and violence, you have to plan a funeral. What would possibly cause a church to refuse to allow you to hold the memorial service there? Oh wait, they told us: the victim was gay.
Where is the love?
The part of the church that is anti-gay justifies the condemnation and rejection of their LGBTQI brothers and sisters based on a handful of Bible passages – passages that are actually misunderstood and mistaught. But it’s that same Bible, in John 13:35, that says they will know you are Christians by your love.
Not by your doctrine, not by your obedience, not by your statements of faith… by your love!
So, I ask the father who refused to claim the body of his son, I ask the church who refused to allow a funeral of a gay person, I ask those in the church who are non-affirming… what do people know you by?
What names would people use to describe you? They may not be words you would like to hear.
You claim to be Christian but Jesus told you to love God, and love others – period. And by this would people know that you follow and believe in him.
On my recent trip to Orlando, I went to Pulse. The sky had just begun to clear as we arrived. It had been raining all day, which seemed only fitting. Colorful canvas banners lined the chain link fence around the black shell of a nightclub, and memorial tributes were everywhere.
We smiled at two young men. The tears in their eyes brought tears to mine, and we chatted a bit about their trip from out of state to visit the site. I was with my friend Debby—we had just come from a gathering of the Orlando moms from our Facebook moms group, so we were feeling maternal.
We signed the banners. We read the notes left by others, feeling their hearts through their words and mementos left behind. In all that I read, I did not see one scripture reference, no mention of God or Jesus, no obvious words of comfort from those who are called, above all else, to love.
Where is the love?
A young woman was sweeping the grounds of bits of debris left from the rain. She told us she comes regularly, that this was her way of showing respect to the victims. She cried a little and Debby hugged her. She said she had seen the killer in Pulse several times before, with a male date. And she started crying again. I hugged her and held her tight, until she finally broke and she just cried without trying to hold it back.
I thought about all the love in this place, from all the words of love and hope to the display of rainbows, flowers, painted rocks, and stream of visitors. I thought of the love of the families whose hearts were ripped out of their chest from their unimaginable loss. And I thought of the victims—sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, workers, students, young adults and mature adults—and the love that follows them still.
And I thought of the murderer. In this kind of killing spree, what kind of messy world must have existed for this man whose father vociferously rejects gay people? How might he have found his way out of his own pain and confusion?
How does the father who refuses to claim the dead body of his son, or the church who refuses to host a funeral for a gay person, or Christians who have refused to come here to express their love, find their way out of all of this pain, confusion, and hate. How do any of us find our way out?
Love is the only way out of this madness. Love is the only path that will lead beyond the hatred and self-loathing and rejection that explodes in these horrific acts.
If you are the parent of an LGBTQI child, love is all you need to know, all you need to do. If you don’t understand, if you don’t agree, just love and let the answers come when they come. You will never, ever regret loving too much.
If you are LGBTQI, know in the deepest places of your heart that you are loved and you are not alone. God, the universe, a higher power loves you – completely, fully, as you are, for who you are.
Where is the love? It is in us to give. It always has been and it always will be. It is our choice whether or not we let it out.
Stanley Almodovar III 23, Amanda L. Alvear 25, Oscar A. Aracena Montero 26, Rodolfo Ayala Ayala 33, Antonio Davon Brown 29, Darryl Roman Burt II 29, Angel Candelario-Padro 28, Juan Chavez Martinez 25, Luis Daniel Conde 39, Cory James Connell 21, Tevin Eugene Crosby 25, Deonka Deidra Drayton 32, Simón Adrian Carrillo Fernández 31, Leroy Valentin Fernandez 25, Mercedez Marisol Flores 26, Peter Ommy Gonzalez Cruz 22, Juan Ramon Guerrero 22, Paul Terrell Henry 41, Frank Hernandez 27, Miguel Angel Honorato 30, Javier Jorge Reyes 40, Jason Benjamin Josaphat 19, Eddie Jamoldroy Justice 30, Anthony Luis Laureano Disla 25, Christopher Andrew Leinonen 32 years, Alejandro Barrios Martinez 21, Brenda Marquez McCool 49, Gilberto R. Silva Menendez 25, Kimberly Jean Morris 37, Akyra Monet Murray 18, Luis Omar Ocasio Capo 20, Geraldo A. Ortiz Jimenez 25, Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera 36, Joel Rayon Paniagua 32, Jean Carlos Mendez Perez 35, Enrique L. Rios, Jr. 25, Jean Carlos Nieves Rodríguez 27, Xavier Emmanuel Serrano-Rosado 35, Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz 24, Yilmary Rodríguez Solivan 24, Edward Sotomayor Jr. 34, Shane Evan Tomlinson 33, Martin Benitez Torres 33, Jonathan A. Camuy Vega 24, Juan Pablo Rivera Velázquez 37, Luis Sergio Vielma 22, Franky Jimmy DeJesus Velázquez 50, Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon 37, Jerald Arthur Wright 31
We have extensive resources and vibrant community for LGBTQ and for parents. Come say hello at www.FreedHearts.org