โWow, Vance!โ my colleague exclaimed as he saw my office in our new philosophy department building several years ago. โFeng Shui!โ In my twenty-five years in academia I have found that most faculty offices look like two or three reams of paper have exploded in it or like the bottom of a birdcageโwe moved into this building ten years ago and my colleagueโs office across the hall still has unpacked boxes piled in the corner. But I love my philosophy department office; since when Iโm not on sabbatical I spend almost as many waking hours there as I do at home, I want it to be a place I enjoy inhabiting.
Everyone who sees my office is impressed; unlike most of the other offices in my department, mine looks as if I took more than three minutes putting it together. I have taken great care with organizing my four large bookcases, arranging my diplomas and other framed materials on the wall, and placing my plants strategically so they can get as much of the morning sun that they love through my eastern-facing windows as possible. A large blue recliner sits in one cornerโI only use it occasionally since I have never managed to read in it for more than ten minutes without falling asleep.
ย
ย
ย
ย
Then thereโs my eclectic decorating style. Penguins and trolls are scattered throughout the shelves and my desk, along with banana slippers that belonged to my youngest son Justin when he was little and a cheap bust of William Shakespeare. Prominently displayed on the top of my low filing cabinet are two signed basketballs perched as trophies on top of small โGo Friars!โ megaphones. ย I won the first of these basketballs two years ago when my seat at the Friars-Marquette Golden Eagles basketball game was randomly selected as the โLucky Seat of the Game.โ Microphone man Harry interviewed me briefly during the first official timeout, got a โGo Friars!โ out of me, and for the first time in my life I was on a Jumbotron for twelve thousand fans to admire.
This picture was taken by one of my admiring fans in the History Department. My blog post two weeks later about sitting in the lucky seat of the game and generally being insanely fanaticย (I guess thatโs oxymoronic) about Friars basketball was one of my most popular posts ever.
My second signed basketball is from last season, a token of one of the greatest days of my lifeโthe day I got to be the honorary faculty coach of the Friars. It once again was the Marquette game, a sell-out with over twelve and a half thousand fans showing up to watch me coach. I was recognized at halftime and received my second signed game ball from the Providence College chaplain on the courtโall on the Jumbotron once again. My blog post about that experience that I published on my birthday last March received more views in one day than any of the more than five hundred posts in the three-and-a-half-year history of my blog.
Expecting that an appearance on the Jumbotron will now be an annual event, I went into this season wondering what new Friars experiences might be in store.
Jumbotron opportunities abound at each game. Thereโs the โDance Cam,โ in which the camera pans the crowd to find someone dancing vigorously during a time out to music blasting so loud as to make oneโs ears bleed. Then thereโs the Delta Dental โSmile Cam,โ where those upon whom the camera randomly lands are required to โshow your pearly whites.โ Not much chance of my making it onto the screen for either of those. But then thereโs the โKiss Cam.โ One of the Friar players shows up on the screen, says โHey, Friar fansโitโs time for the Kiss Cam! Pucker up!โ Each of the half-dozen or so couples the camera person selects is to kiss; whichever couple performs most admirably wins and gets their name entered into a drawing for diamond jewelry to be awarded at a later home game. For most of the twenty-two years that I have had two Friar season tickets I have been accompanied either by my son or no oneโso no chances for the Kiss Cam (although my son and I talked frequently about what we would do if the camera ever landed on us).
But this year has been different. As the Friars have racked up win after win in what promises to be a season for the ages, Jeanne has come with me to games more often than she has in many years, something at least partially due to my being on sabbatical and her not travelling for work as she has for many of the years that we have been in Providence. Each game as the Kiss Cam opportunity came and went, we would note what we would do if it ever landed on us. Then last week during the Xavier-Friars game, after showing a couple of reluctant young couples on the screen during the Kiss Cam, there we were on the Jumbotron. โOh my God!โ Jeanne yelled as we turned toward each other. And we were goodโreally good. The best Kiss Cam performance of the season, without a doubt. But then the camera person selected a couple so old that they had to struggle to even turn toward each other. They locked lips, held in place for a momentโโTheyโre going to win,โ I told Jeanne. โThey always choose the old couple.โ And they didโโLooks like we have a winner!โ announced Harry the microphone guy, and it was the geezer couple. Everyone cheered and we were crushed.
A couple of minutes later I got an email on my phone from our Athletic Director.
- U should have won the Kiss Cam
- I know, but they always go for the old couple
- Yea they donโt like the hot young couple. You and Jeanne won
As we left the arena after a tough loss (the Friars would have won if they had selected the correct couple as the Kiss Cam winners), several students said โDr. Morgan you were robbed!โ โYou guys won!โ and other comments intended to help us deal with the injustice of it all. Emboldened by the support, I posted on Facebook the next morning โFriar fans who were at the Dunk last nightโdo you agree that Jeanne and I were robbed on the Kiss Cam? In short order, support rolled in.
- Absolutely! We thought you two were a lock!
- Yes!
- Absolutely!
- The fix was in! They always go for the old couple, especially when they are shamelessly mugging for the camera!
- It was a travesty!
- Shameless!
My colleague Tony from the philosophy department who went with me to the previous game wrote โThank goodness Jeanne went instead of me! That would have been . . . awkward . . .โ Yes it would have been. But the Kiss Cam at the Dunk has never landed on two guys or two womenโa blatant example of prejudice against same-sex couplesโso Tony and I probably wouldnโt have had anything to worry about.
Itโs now a week later and Iโm sort of over having been robbed by the Kiss Camโat least I made my annual appearance on the Jumbotron. But where the hell is my signed basketball?