The Greek Philosopher You’ve Never Heard Of

I haven’t had a chance to teach the ancient greats in philosophy in several semesters, largely because I haven’t been teaching in the freshman semesters of the large interdisiplinary program I regularly participate in. I’ve mostly been working in sophomore sections of that program, which means the late 18th century to t0day.

The next time I teach ancient Greek and Roman philosophy, I will include a figure that I only became aware of a few years ago: Mediocrates. Mediocrates, who lived around 450-370ish BCE, was the (much) younger sibling of his slightly more famous brother, Socrates. Like Socrates, everything we know about Mediocrates comes through the testimony of those who knew and appreciated him (or didn’t)—if he ever wrote anything down, we don’t have it.

It is reported that many of Socrates’ followers expected Mediocrates to step into his older brother’s role as the “gadfly of Athens” after Socrates’ execution, but Mediocrates’ famous comment about following in Socrates’ footsteps was “Yeah, that ain’t happening.” Concerning the numerous dialogues that Socrates’ most famous disciple, Plato, wrote with Socrates as the main character, Mediocrates commented “Yeah, that sounds like my brother. Sort of. But not really. We didn’t hang out that much. He was a bit of a dick.”

Mediocrates apparently was a master of one-liners, many of which have somehow over the centuries made it into common parlance.

• Don’t sweat the small stuff. As with many of the sayings attributed to Mediocrates, the reaction of his contemporaries was “What the hell does that mean?” But as a directive to pay attention to what’s most important rather than wasting time on less important matters, it isn’t that bad.
• It is what it is. I’m sure that in his day, everyone thought that this classic from Mediocrates was just stupid. But somehow, it has become a profound reflection on the human inability to change reality. It is one of my very wise wife Jeanne’s “go to” comments on just about everything. Thank Mediocrates for the insight that, strangely enough, we are not in charge of things.
• It isn’t over ‘til it’s over. The best response might be something like “No kidding, Captain Obvious.” But if you think about it, most of what Mediocrates said is true. No one ever said that the truth would be profound. Or interesting. It is what it is.
• Whatever. Rumor has it that this is the word carved on Mediocrates’ tombstone (which has never been found). According to a continuing Marist poll, “Whatever” has been voted as “the most annoying word of the year” annually for the past decade. That wouldn’t have been my choice, but whatever.
• When the going gets tough, the tough get going. This is actually just a portion of the full statement, which says that “When the going gets tough, the tough get going, while everyone else goes home and says that they hadn’t wanted to go anywhere in the first place.”
• No one ever said it would be easy. My father once told my brother and me that the following would be carved on our tombstones: “They said it couldn’t be done, and he tried and couldn’t do it.” That’s a very Mediocratesian sentiment. The reason why no one ever said it would be easy is because it isn’t. Deal with it.
• Let me be perfectly clear. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be clear, and Mediocrates undoubtedly was opaque on occasion. But this saying has become an annoying earworm of gigantic proportions. One cannot get through an hour of any 24-7 news channel show without more than one talking head introducing her or his profound conclusion to the discussion by saying “let me be perfectly clear.” As opposed to what? “Let me obfuscate and confuse the situation even more”?
• At the end of the day . . . When listening to NPR in the car the other day, three consecutive reporters, pontificating about different pressing social/political issues, summarized thier insights with this gem. I have no idea why this has become the go-to summary statement for virtually everying, particularly since at the end of the day I usually just watch some television and go to bed.
• No pain, no gain. You might have noticed from the picture of Mediocrates that he spent a lot of time at the gym. By the way, the word “Gymnasium” means “to exercise naked.” No clothes allowed at the gym. Mediocrates also was a big sports fan (athletes also competed in the nude. Get that visual out of your head now). Many of Mediocrates’ comments about sports competition have made their way down into the lexicon of contemporary sports announcers.
  • They came to play. I’ve always thought it odd that athletes would come a sporting event for any reason other than to play, but apparently in ancient Greece some athletes just showed up and stood around doing nothing (completely naked). Those who “came to play” tended to win more often than those who just stood around.
  • One game at a time. Another apparent “Thanks Captain Obivious” observation. This sports platitude apparently developed to deter coaches and teams from trying to play game #18 on their schedule before game #11 or, worse, trying to play games #11 and #18 at the same time.  It’s the platitude that always shows up when someone forgets that games have to be played in the order that they are scheduled. Or something like that.
  • They took it to the next level. This observation only works for those who have a higher level to take it to. Those who have only one level usually lose and are henceforth known as mediocrities.
  • I’ll tell you what. I’d love to be able to explain what this meant in Mediocrates’ day, what it means today, or why it has infected contemporary sports conversation and beyond. I have no idea. I’ll tell you what—your guess is as good as mine.

Given his commitment to mediocrity, it’s surprising that Mediocrates and his wisdom have had such an impact on contemporary culture. In the Urban Dictionary, a “Mediocrates” is defined as “a person of average or below-average intelligence or skill who claims to be an expert.” And we all know people like that—social media would not exist without them.

Speaking of which, Mediocrates used to be on (the former) Twitter (@themediocrates1), providing gems such as “Life is a journey,” “Be yourself,” “Listen to your heart,” and “Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.” There have been no Meidocrates tweets since 2018, so apparently the person channeling Mediocrates has lost interest. As Mediocrates himself famously said, “that’s about par for the course.”

Saint Bridget, the patron saint of Sweden, is described by “Catholic Online” as “the patroness of failures.” Without a doubt, Mediocrates is the patron saint of mediocrities, which probably makes him the most widely applicable saint in the pantheon of sainthood. The next time you dismiss an annoying conversation or detail with a well-placed “whatever,” thank Mediocrates. He’s got your back.