Fertility Etiquette and Update

I think any woman, any couple, that is experiencing sub-fertility knows that from time to time you’ll get comments from people who love you, but who say something that makes you cringe, either inward or outward. I’m not beating up on anyone, but just letting people know how comments can be taken and what’s actually helpful as opposed to perceived to be helpful. I’ve also got an update from my meeting with Dr. M on NaPro.

Well-meaning people who have absolutely no idea what I am going through because both of their ovaries work just fine will tell me that “you’ll get pregnant when you least expect it” or “of course you’ll have a baby when the time is right” or (my favorite) “Just relax and it’ll happen”. I try really hard to be kind, because I *know* that people who offer “helpful” advice have no clue what they’re talking about (unless they have experienced sub-fertility themselves), and think that what they’re saying is actually helpful. These people love me and want what’s best for me, I tell myself, though I’m so tempted to point out that I can be the most relaxed human on the planet, and if my ovary doesn’t release an egg, a pregnancy will not happen.

I am 26. I probably have at least another ten years of “fertility” left in me, and so I know that statistically, the chances of me having one healthy pregnancy during that time are in my favor. But who wants to think of that? Why don’t you try telling someone who’s looking for a job *right now* that “of course you’ll find a job when the time is right” never mind that it might take you ten years to do so. See how that goes over. Who wants to know that they might have to wait up to ten years for the thing they want the most? Would you?

“You can always adopt” is another one that gets me. Of course, this is a true statement. ANYONE who is a stable adult can (at least apply to) adopt a child. Just one time I’d love to turn it around when someone says, “You can always adopt” and respond with, “Yeah, so can you. Let’s go sign up together.”

Adoption is a beautiful, amazing thing, and to be perfectly frank, I’ll be surprised if we don’t end up adopting at least once. Adoption is on my heart and was even before I knew my husband. BUT, even if I have a house full of kids, if none of them came from my womb, I will still be barren. Adopting a child does not take away any of the pain of sub-fertility. Yes, in adoption your deep desire to be a parent is fulfilled. But the desire that runs just as deep, to be pregnant, to carry life inside you, is not.

I’m not trying to rag on anyone who has felt they don’t know what to say, so they’ve said something similar to one of the above statements. I know that people are trying to be supportive and loving, and I appreciate that, I really do.

I’m also not saying that you shouldn’t ask me how the whole fertility journey is going, if you care to know. I’m glad to share it with those who love us, but also know that mostly, if you want to know, the best thing you can do is listen, and maybe give me a hug or a prayer.

All of this is by way to giving an update on our doctor visit at the end of March. I know, you’ve all been waiting with bated breath to find out what happened.

Well, pretty much since then, nothing. That is until three days ago. His plan was to do what’s called a hormone study, in which I have a blood draw every other day from ovulation until Peak +11. This is to study what my progesterone is doing. Many women miscarry because of low progesterone levels. Dr. M is pretty sure of another conception occuring at some point, but worries about another miscarriage, if my progesterone levels are off. This hormone study will determine if I need help in the progesterone department.

The really frustrating thing (of many, many) about PCOS, is that it will often cause several peaks before ovulation happens. This cycle, I had four. Three false alarms that had me running off to the lab for blood work, only to find out that my numbers were not yet close to ovulation levels. Then, on CD 44, ovulation! Peak number 4 was the real deal.

So, now the hormone study can commence. I’ll update again when it’s all over.

Thanks for listening, rant over. Have a great weekend!