Put Love There

I have to admit that when she took the podium, I was inwardly skeptical.

“Another nun talking about the feminine genius. What’s she going to say that I haven’t heard before?”

I am a moron.

Sister Mary Elizabeth’s talk was a lot of things. Redundant was not one of them.

Challenging. Inspiring. Emotional (on my part). A slap in the face from God.

You know, the good kind. The “get out of your complacency and listen to me” kind. The kind you hope never stops coming.

Yes, she laid out the philosophy of John Paul II regarding feminine genius. Yes, I am familiar with the philosophy and the teaching.

Yes, I fail to live it out nearly all the time.

Within the first five minutes she shared her prayer with us,

“Jesus, show me how to be a woman”.

Before someone jumps down my throat, “How can Jesus show you how to be a woman, he was a man! That’s so sexist!”, cool your jets.

Jesus can teach me, and any other woman, how to be a woman because he’s god in the flesh. Yes, he took that flesh as a man, but he remains fully divine, which means he maintains the essence of what it means to be God, who created male and female, and knows what woman is more fully than any human woman ever will.

Got it? Good.

Now we can move on.

“Jesus, show me how to be a woman” is a prayer that can, and I hope will, change my life.

Because of the incarnation, our bodies matter. Because God had and has a human body, our human bodies matter. What we do with our bodies matters.

Invisible realities are made visible through our bodies. That’s the theology of the body in a nutshell.

The fact that you and I were created as women matters. Our female bodies are important, just as they are. As Pope Benedict has said, “Each of us is the result of a thought of God.”

We are called to live as an image of the Trinity, as a communion of persons. We are all interdependent. When John Donne wrote that “No man is an island.”, truer words were never spoken.

There will never be peace between men and women until we all learn and live that autonomy is an illusion and interdependence is the only way to peace and lasting happiness.

Part of what it means to be a woman, made in the image and likeness of God, is to witness to the world the primacy of love.

Not success. Not fame. Not things. Not titles.

Love. Love which is often burdensome, always challenging, brings us to the end of ourselves, and ultimately sets us free.

This special role of revealing love to the world is often referred to as the “Feminine Genius”.

Sr. Mary Elizabeth shared with us the most clear understanding of what the “feminine genius” is that I’ve heard.

“The feminine genius is a way of being that does not seek to possess or control, but to be open and receptive to the other. It is the interior disposition which seeks the good, true, and beautiful in others and in situations.”

Of course, in the Christian life, we are all called to seek the good, true, and beautiful and to share it with others. Men do this and many wonderful men do this all their lives. What is meant by “feminine genius” is that woman is specially suited to doing this, and that when woman lives as she has been created, it becomes easier for the people around her to see the good, true, and beautiful in their midst.

It doesn’t mean we’re weak. Rather, to always seek the good, true, and beautiful in any situation is a nearly Hurculean task. One that is the hallmark of true strength, rather than any earthly power one can boast.

So how do I seek the good in a toddler tantrum? In a diaper of epic proportions while dinner’s burning on the stove? When I reach the end of my rope and barely have the strength to tie a knot and hang on?

Sister shared two things that she and the other Sisters of Life do when working with mothers in crisis pregnancies and post-abortive women through their ministry.

1. Delight in her

Often, when we’re faced with a person or situation that looks dire, we can’t get past the brokenness. Yet, there’s nearly always beauty on the other side of it.

“Delighting in her” is what the sisters do when a new woman enters their home. The sisters sit with these women and listen. We all have a story to tell. Even my 14 month old daughter. Sometimes she’s crying because she just wants to tell me her story, and she doesn’t have the words.

The sisters “delight in her” by revealing to each woman they encounter her own goodness. They are open to seeing the innate goodness of each woman, and so are capable of mirroring it back to her, even when she believes she’s worth nothing.

What if I did the same thing?

What if I mirrored back to Maggie just how amazing and good she is?

What if instead of complaining about how destructive she is, I praised her for her curiosity? It might not change her behavior, but it might change mine.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Anyone who has parented a toddler knows how hard it can be to show love when they’re acting out.

Which leads directly to the second suggestion Sister had.

2. Put Love There

Blessed Teresa has said, “Where there is no love, put love. There you will find love.”

Sister then told the story of a new mother who came to them, struggling with her 2 year old daughter.

The child was willful, destructive, and combative. The sisters told her to “put love there”. So this mother decided that as long as her child wasn’t doing something sinful or dangerous, she wasn’t going to scream, yell, or reprimand. Instead she would pick her up and hold her, tell her she loved her whenever she misbehaved.

As you can imagine, her behavior improved and so did their relationship.

These are such simple suggestions, but they have the potential to be life changing. Tools in the hand of a God who smooths my rough edges and teaches me how to be a woman.

Praise God for another nun talking about the feminine genius.