Resentment is powerful. But it is not constructive. The only result is destruction. Unfortunately, this truth is not as obvious to people holding on to resentments. In a recent post, I discussed how cults tend to appeal to resentments to gain members. People are motivated by appeals to their grievances. And yet, the unfulfilled promises left by the makes this sense of grievance worse. Resentful people often believe their feelings are justified. Perpetuated injustices cause resentments to simmer. Injustice leads to the deformation of the spirit because they inspire resentments. And resentful feelings are continuously fed by people who deny justice.
Leave The Altar
“So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled with your brother or sister and then come offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24) Whatever worship we offer is tainted by the injustice we refuse to acknowledge. Jesus makes a simple point. Once again, it is not obvious to people to whom it applies.
Asking forgiveness without being repentant is presumptuous. People ducking the need for repentance make bad excuses. Everyone knows them too. “That was all in the past. You should be over that now. God wants you to forgive and forget.” Add others that you like.
Why is it hard for people to say, “what happened was wrong?” It is hard because it leaves us open to making the sacrifices of restoration. Reparations are a no-no word for white churches. It ranks right up there with the “f” word. But it is the only means of overcoming the spiritual deformation caused by resentment. Those who were wronged can begin overcoming their resentment at the injustice. And those who caused or benefited from the wrong can begin overcoming the resentment in feeling they must protect themselves.
Personal Resentment
The Chapters on Prayer of Evagrius Ponticus expands the teaching. “‘Leave your gift before the altar and be reconciled with your brother’ our Lord said – and then you shall pray undisturbed. For resentment blinds the reason of the man who prays and casts a cloud over his prayer.” (21) Whose resentment is being considered here? Is he counseling the one who commits injustice to help his wronged brother overcome the feeling of resentment? Or is Evagrius aware that self-justification leads to resentful feelings against the one who is wronged? It is the nature of the chapters to lead us to answer both questions.
“The man who stores up injuries and resentments and yet fancies that he prays might as well draw water from a well and pour it into a cask that is full of holes.” (22) The prayers of resentful people are not effective. I would much rather a resentful person pray. Jesus says that was when people remember their offenses against others. Such prayer is the kind that changes the people who pray.
Resentment and Arrogance
Arrogance is often the result of resentment. It is a small step from being self-justifying to self-glorifying. “Pride goes before a fall,” the Proverbs say. The fall does not imply getting back up. No. People often find it easier to wallow in resentment rather than climb out of the muck. It is said in recovery groups that a person “will look down on the world while lying in the gutter.” The arrogance borne of resentment is the life-breath of Trumpism and other cultish ideologies. But the observation is accurate. If Bob has problems with Betty and then Bill and then Barbara, the problem may be Bob.
The importance of guarding against causing resentment and falling into resentment cannot be overstated. The farmer asked the Devil, in the film version of The Devil and Daniel Webster, upon seeing the apparition of the fallen soul, “Are they always so small?” The Devil replies, “The ones I get are.”
Spiritual deformation is caused by resentment. And it is the hardest condition to overcome. It often requires spiritual guidance to see it in us.
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