Can a Catholic Vote for Cthulhu for President?

Can a Catholic Vote for Cthulhu for President? August 5, 2016

English: Homemade Cthulhu, adapted from pattern in Creepy and Cute Crochet By Bastique (Own work) [CC BY-SA 1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/1.0)], via Wikimedia CommonsCan a Catholic vote for Cthulhu for President?

Well, yes. Why not?

Don’t worry that he represents the greatest evil. How else do you think you will make American great again? By platitudes? You need someone as great as you want the nation to be. Cthulhu! He’s your candidate!

Don’t worry that he is not pro-life. He is at least not a hypocrite and will treat everyone equally, the born and unborn.

He vows to fix government once and for all.

Don’t like the national debt? It’s gone on the first day! Don’t like entitlements? Gone! Don’t like big business? Gone! Don’t like the national infrastructure? Well, you don’t have to worry about it ever again. It’s gone, too!

Don’t worry that he will drive everyone crazy. That just proves he is a good politician.

With Cthulhu, you won’t have to worry about the wrong party getting control of SCOTUS, because he will dissolve SCOTUS with one swipe of his left wing. And Congress is next with the right.

The reason why you can vote for him is simple.

He’s not Donald Trump. He’s not Hillary Clinton.

If you can’t vote for Trump or Clinton, you certainly can vote for him. Your conscience is protected. You don’t like what Trump stands for? Don’t vote for him. You don’t like what Clinton stands for? Don’t’ vote for her! #NeverTrump and #NeverHillary mean there is only one legitimate candidate left.

Cthulhu.

He is the ultimate protest vote for he is not just some third party candidate. He’s a party all unto himself.

Can a Catholic vote for Cthulhu? Not only can they, if they don’t, they are guilty for letting Trump or Clinton into office.

And that’s reason enough to vote for him!

 


 

Image: Homemade Cthulhu, adapted from pattern in Creepy and Cute Crochet. By Bastique (Own work) [CC BY-SA 1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/1.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

 

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