It is very common for those who try to appear strong out in public do so because they are afraid that they are anything but strong. That is, they fear that they are really weak. They fear what others would think of them, or do with them, if their weakness was discovered. And so, they act out a role, put on a mask, and act in front of others in ways they believe those who are truly strong and powerful would act, hoping that people will believe the deception. The reality is they do not understand true strength, for the way they act is not the way those who have such strength would act, for those who are strong inside will not need to put on a show in front of others. Thus, those who are weak are afraid that if they don’t treat people with the pretense of strength, perhaps bullying them, they would themselves be the ones who are bullied. They are fundamentally flawed in their way of thinking, which comes, again, as a result for their own weakness. It is as if they were a cat raising its tail to make themselves look bigger than they really are. The sad thing is that the more they act this way, the more they will prove themselves to being weak. Eventually, they will get a sense that at least some can sense that weakness, and so, in return, they will feel they will have to double down, prove themselves superior to others, which often means, striking out at others with such violence, they think no one will then be able to question their strength or superiority. Once again, though, many will see the truth of it. They will have only proven their own internal weakness. Indeed, the more they strike out in this fashion, the more they will reveal that weakness. Those who are strong will not need affirmation of their strength from others; they will not have to put on a show of strength. They will not have to force others to do things for them. This is exactly what Abba Nestoros understood, and having understood it, he explained it to St. John Cassian and his friend, Germanus:
It should also be noted that the character of the weak is consistently of this sort: They quickly and easily pour out abuse and sow discord, but they themselves do not wish to put up with the slightest mistreatment, and although they carry on violent arguments and get on their high horse without any fear of the consequences, they are unwilling to bear small and indeed very minor things. [1]
This is exactly the problem with toxic masculinity, or with many forms of Christian apologetics, or also with those who engage Christian nationalism. They like to focus on appearances of strength, but in the end, all they do is cover up their own weaknesses. A strong person does not abuse others. They will bear their burdens without having to make others suffer with them. Indeed, not only will they shoulder their own pains and sorrows without being broken down, they will defend and help others, and the more they are able to do so, the more they show what true strength is about. People with a strong faith do not need to go around debating or attacking others who think differently from them. They certainly will not feel the need to put others down for not agreeing with them in a debate. When they do so, if is often because they realize how weak their arguments really are. This is why when so-called apologists think apologetics is more about insults instead of affirmations, they end up convincing no one to agree with them who does not already agree with them. Indeed, they will likely encourage people to distance themselves further what it is they want others to believe. People with a strong faith will have fruitful dialogues with others. They will be capable of learning from others, and others will be able to learn from them. The more secure they are in their faith, the more open they can be with others, for they will not feel the need to bash others for thinking differently.
Christians should not be interested in nation building, in developing a powerful nation in the world, using that nation to represent Christianity and their interests. They should not try to set up a nation which puts down and suppresses anyone who does not follow their form of Christianity. Again, the more they do this, the more they show how weak their faith is. Some, indeed, seem to have no faith, and just want to use Christianity as a tool for their own private gain. Others, perhaps, have a little faith, but they believe if they can set up a powerful Christian nation, then by its strength, their faith will be strengthened. Perhaps, that is so, but what they are promoting is not a strong Christian nation, but one which is rather weak, and so it is more likely to lead to a further erosion of their faith as such a nation will lack the grace needed to sustain it.
What is not needed is a Christian, either individually, or as a follower of some abusive ideology, going out of their way to so discord, creating problems in the world, hoping that by doing so, they will find a way to ascend in power. All they will do is destroy. They will have no meaningful solution to the problems which lie before the world. If they did, they would offer it instead of all the discord. This is why they are so angry, so obnoxious, when dealing with even the most minor of criticism; they can’t take it because they have nothing within them to hold themselves up. They are weak, though they are unwilling to acknowledge that fact for themselves. And, because they want to look strong, not weak, they will be unwilling to open themselves up to receive the help they need to become truly strong, help which can and does come from their neighbors, but also from God. Though they might try to proclaim their faith loudly in front of others, using it to show off and appear to be something they are not, if they opened themselves to God’s love and grace, they would be able to stand strong, showing the strength of their character instead of proving themselves as being petty by the way they act and react towards others, “for God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control” (2 Tim. 1:7 RSV).
Love and self-control are the true signs of strength and integrity. Bluster, attacking others, being quarrelsome, are all signs of someone trying to appear strong, to appear greater than they are, and behind it all is the fear they have that others will realize their weakness and begin to treat them the way they have treated others. The proper response, of course, is not to be like them, but to let our strength, our integrity shine forth. That is, we should show ourselves full of self-control and love, responding to them, not in kind, but with mercy and grace. We should not respond to abuse with abuse; we should not demand an eye for an eye; we should rather, hope to help those who are afraid to see so that they do not have to be afraid, that they can find the strength we have. That is, we should hope they will see strength is found in love, not hate. We, moreover, should remember this as well. If we have strength, even if someone were to kill us, we would remain victorious and strong in and with the love of God, while those who act in such a way will prove themselves, in and through such an act, to truly be weak. It was this weakness, once it was revealed, which allowed Christianity to become victorious over Rome, for Christians showed strength and courage instead of talking about it, while Romans often spoke of it, but ended up unable to fulfill their expectations. And it is this strength which Christians should once again engage, instead of the pseudo-strength of bullies, if they want to represent Christ to the world.
[1] John Cassian, The Conferences. Trans. Boniface Ramsey, OP (New York: Newman Press, 1997), 572 [Fifteenth Conference; Nesteros].
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