When we pray the Our Father, we pray for mercy, to have our sins forgiven; but we are told to so with the willingness to forgive others as we have been forgiven, that is, to be forgiven, we must embrace the spirit of forgiveness ourselves. It is not because there is some sort of transaction going on, where God forgives us out of a debt because we have forgiven others, but rather, because we have embraced the spirit of forgiveness, and have incorporated it into ourselves, so that it works in and through us, both within and without. It is one thing to pray in this way, to even believe it, but it is another thing to truly live it. To do so, we must be able to be empathic, for through empathy, we will understand the other better, and through that understanding, we will find it easier to be compassionate. For, we will be able to put ourselves in their shoes; just as we do not want to be mercilessly judged and condemned, especially in those areas where we struggle and find it difficult to reform ourselves and do better, so we will understand why others would not like to be treated in such disdain either. This is especially true in regards various inordinate passions, passions which suddenly rise up and influence us before we are ready to confront them and put them in check. How many of us, for example, find ourselves easily angered when driving on the road, and act in some way out of that anger? How many of us, looking back, regret what we have done? When we can understand how our passions can so easily get the best of us, we will understand why the passions can do the same with others. Thus, if we want others to be merciful to us, to forgive us when things get out of control, we must lead by example. We should not expect from others what is impossible for us to do:
If you cannot conquer your own passions (when by God’s mercy you are even able to see them), despite the fact that you desire to overcome them and strive to do so, how can you demand from your neighbor that which lies beyond your strength? Become aware of this weakness that is common to us all, and try to forgive your neighbor, to be at peace with him, and to bear with his shortcomings.[1]
We must try to forgive others, even as we would like them to forgive us; the more we are able to do so, the more we will be able to establish some level of peace in the world. We are not perfect. The peace we create might be fragile, as our passions might once again return and get the best of us, but if we live out our lives in a spirit of mercy, it will be easier for others to forgive us and reestablish the peace once it is destroyed. If, on the other hand, we do not lead by example, if we are unwilling to show others mercy, we should not be surprised if others will show us none as well.
Even if we cannot achieve it in our temporal existence, we should seek after perfection. As Christians, we know where true perfection lies: in and with God, that is, when we participate in the divine life. As God is love, so the way of perfection must therefore be found in the way of love. The more we open ourselves to love, the more we will find it motivate us, helping us move beyond the pseudo-morality of legalism and the kinds of judgment and condemnation legalism generate. For love, unlike legalism, will have us patient with others, willing to endure much from them. The way of love is so important, as it is the way of God, the more we ignore or reject it, the more we will find ourselves turning against God, which means, we will end up sinning, as George Maloney explained,” The true nature of sin consists in a human person’s refusal to love God and neighbor unselfishly. It is slavery to the self-centeredness into which we are born.” [2] This is why legalism cannot be the way, as it does not make room for love, and with it the mercy and compassion which emerges from love; without love, legalism only leads to a very insidious form of sin, one which hides itself through the moralism it uses to try to impose itself upon others.
Some might ask, do we not expose ourselves to sin, do we not appear to condone sin, when we show mercy to sinners? The answer is no, because we are acting out of love, and with such love, we welcome our neighbor in a way which will more likely appeal to them; they will be encouraged to be better, and will more likely consider trying to be than if we are unjustly critical of them, for those who experience such criticism tend to be defensive and rigid in their response. If we are unwilling to embrace the way of love, we promote the way of sin, and in doing so, encourage others to sin. When we act with such love and respect, we find we are teaching them in a way which transcends what they would learn through such condemnations:
For if anyone shows his neighbors the examples of good actions and turns them back to imitating the works of almsgiving or hospitality or of the other virtues which they had neglected, even though his tongue be silent, he actually executes the office of teacher and obtains from the devoted judge a sure reward in return for the salvation of his brother whom he has corrected.[3]
So, we must follow the way of love, treating others with respect, showing them the compassion which we wish they would give to us. Even if they do not do so, we cannot use that as an excuse to not show them love in return. For the way of love is to treat everyone, friend and foe alike, to consider and remember everyone’s well-being and inherent dignity, even when we find it difficult to discern that dignity:
The rule of love is that one should wish his friend to have all the good things he wants to have himself, and should not wish the evils to befall his friend which he wishes to avoid himself. How shows this benevolence to all men. No evil must be done to any. Love of one’s neighbor workerth no evil (Rom. 13:10). Let us then love even our enemies as we are commanded, if we wish to be truly unconquered. [4]
It is wrong to unjustly judge others, and it is the way of sin to embrace such judgment to seek their destruction. We must, therefore, avoid being judgmental, knowing that if we do not, we will be embracing the way of sin and will experience the ramifications of such sin, such judgmentalism, one way or another. If and when our passions get the best of us, and we fail to live up to the way of love, God shows us that we can be forgiven, but that forgiveness will stick only if we embrace the spirit of forgiveness and the way of love which established it. So long as we close ourselves off from that spirit, we should not be surprised it is unable to enter into us and grant us the forgiveness we need.
[1] Abbes Arsenia (Sebriakova), Striving Toward God. Trans. Mary Naumenko (Jordanville, NY: Holy Trinity Publications, 2016), 70 [Letter 4 to V.I.I].
[2] George A. Maloney, SJ, Your Sins Are Forgiven: Rediscovering the Sacrament of Reconciliation (New York: Alba House, 1994), 17.
[3] Venerable Bede, “Commentary on James” in Commentary on the Seven Catholic Epistles. Trans. Dom. David Hurst, OSB (Kalamazoo, MI: Cistercian Publications, 1985), 65.
[4] St. Augustine, “Of True Religion,” in Augustine: Earlier Writings. trans. John H.S. Burleigh (Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1953),270.
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