Believing November 20, 2010

Well, if you’ve been paying attention, you won’t be surprised.

We met with a neuropsychologist yesterday and found out that Zach has a host of diagnosable issues.  I decided not to name them all here, but like I said, if you’ve been paying attention you can probably make some good guesses.

We’ve known for some time that he probably had some issues.  And then when we started homeschooling, they were unmistakable.  Still, I kept hoping that it was just his neurotic mother overreacting. Or that maybe all of these disparate issues could be explained by one easy-to-fix problem.  But as the doctor went over the results of hours and hours of testing, observations, and teacher reports, giving us a list of his “special needs,” the reality of all that he is dealing with sank in.

And I spent the next twelve hours crying.  My sweet, sweet baby is going to have to work so hard to make his way in this world.  And it breaks my heart.

Which is why I don’t think I have ever been more grateful to be married to Jeff.  His response to the diagnoses?  “We didn’t learn anything today that we didn’t already know. He’s the same kid he was yesterday.  And we’ll figure out how to teach him what he needs to know.”

When that didn’t help much, he said, “Look.  God didn’t make a mistake with Zach.  God wanted someone just like Zach to glorify him.  He’s a great kid and he’s going to find a way to do the thing he was created to do.”

Which I’m choosing to believe because I don’t think I would stop crying if I didn’t.

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  • Courtney

    I'm sorry, Tara — that would be a tough thing for any mother to take in. I'll be praying for you all, and looking forward to seeing who Zach becomes and how God uses him.

  • T – Sending a big hug. Zach is a good, sweet, happy boy with fabulous parents who love him very much. With you guys and your friend God on his side, he has everything he needs. Hang in there…

  • Tim D

    Tara, having lives with you and Zach for a year, I have zero doubt that Zach is going to be a healthy and very successful young man in everything he pursues. He is an extraordinary kid who is receiving an extraordinary childhood.

    I understand your grief, but at least now you have a clear picture and you can give him everything he needs. He is going to have a beautiful testimony.

  • Christy

    Hi Tara, so sorry to hear about Zach. When I found out Ivan AND Alexander had Fragile X Syndrome and I am a carrier, I could barely breathe. What is great is, especially living in MA, there are so many wonderful services for kids that make a tremendous difference. I have good and bad days as I deal with the reality of my life. I was taking the boys out for speech a couple of weeks ago and as I sat in the waiting room a woman walked by with healthy twins and she was pregnant. It was heart wrenching. What I do know about Zach and my boys is that they are created in God's image. He made them for a purpose and they can live joyful, fulfilling lives.

    I REALLY enjoys reading your stories. What a wonderful record you will have to share with the boys when they are older. So funny!

  • Marilyn

    Hi Tara! Our pastor has been talking about "submission" lately. He defined it as that point when you are no longer in "agreement", but you choose to "submit" anyway. It's easy to go along with God's word when we like what it says. It is more difficult when we don't. "Submit to God" takes on new meaning when we choose to say "Ok, I'll do it Your way…even though I hate it." Peter who says, "We have caught nothing all night, nevertheless, at Your bidding I'll let down my nets…"

    I think you are in one of those places, making good choices. Choosing to believe what Jeff is saying to you… It's a hard place and you don't feel like being in agreement. But there really is no other alternative than to submit and then see what the Lord will do — not only in your precious son, but also in you. Make no mistake, the Lord will give you everything you need to do all that He has called you to do! You have been uniquely equipped to handle even this.