ALONG TIME AGO….
Along time ago—two careers and two broken shoulders, hundreds of miles running, mortgages, six or so dogs, I was an investigator. Taxpayers paid me to investigate. To use my intrinsic skills to find Evil, mostly in white collar crime events. Never figured out the whole White-Collar Blue-Collar thing since most organized crime people were not the business guys on TV and most of the street crime people were in wife beater T’s. So, it’s pretty natural still to see or hear something and have the little 40-watt bulb go on over my head.
I have been seeing a lot of pop ups on my phone advertising if you did this five second regimen every morning….
Five seconds allows you to-
I will lose weight.
My hair will grow.
My urine stream will increase.
Parts of my body will grow.
Those pesky skin tags will fall off during the night.
And on and on.
I have….
I have analyzed and scrutinized, checked with INTERPOL and have come to the conclusion there is not enough time in my morning for five seconds of anything. We are too busy finding the bathroom, turning up the heat, changing the dog water, fighting my way back under the covers while the house warms up only to find two dogs the size of caribou in my vacated warm spot—snoring like two longshoremen with deviated septum’s. I have to find my jammie pants, somewhere under one of them, my shirt under the other, and then start the coffee. I don’t have the time left in my life for five seconds to stir ginseng and horny goat weed in a green tea and drink in sips of three.
We can safely say we get to a point in our life where we want to stay flexible, but we realize we will never have the strength we did when we were eighteen. God works with us on this stuff. The original plan was to live in perfect harmony with the Creator of the Universe in a beautiful garden. Now, well, we have skin tags and things on our bodies actually called barnacles. Really? Something that sticks to the sides of ships? Well, I guess I am a ship in a different ocean so I can see that.
Our hair….
Our hair or lack thereof, is easily fixed with shaving it off. The whole urine thing is just God’s way of stretching our muscles multiple times in the middle of the night and a cognitive exercise in memorization of every men’s restroom in every Fry Grocery store, Costco, and Home Depot. I bet you young people can’t give me directions right now where the men’s room is in Dillard’s in Fashion Square Mall? Nope, didn’t think so.
So relax….
So relax, take five seconds and just breathe. The God of the Universe sees you perfectly, in spite of your barnacles. There is nothing we can do to earn it, and nothing we can do to lose it. It is by grace he chose me and you. Quit beating yourself up with some mantra which says you are wretched. You’re not. You are white as snow. Cleaned perfectly by one sacrifice by the Son of Man. Enjoy the morning. Move the dogs over and play a round of Wordle on your cell phone while you wait for the house to warm up. Allow yourself to have a slice of that pie in your refrigerator for breakfast—live on the edge.
Skin tags be damned!!
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