Today’s “Ask Amy” window into 21st-century relationships

From today’s Tribune:

Dear Amy: I’m a woman in my late 20s. For several years, my friend “Terence” has always been there for me. He has helped when I’ve gone through breakups, when my mother had cancer and when my house was vandalized and all my stuff was stolen. 

He does little things for me, like dropping off soup when I’m sick or sending me flowers. I know he has feelings for me. He and I have talked about dating but when it comes up, I am either not looking to date anyone, or I’m already dating someone. 

I think I would date him some day (when the time is right). 

Recently, he said he feels like he’s “second best” because I only spend time with him when I don’t have other plans. I’m busy, and I wish he could understand that I can’t spend time with everyone! 

It came to a head recently. I went for a pre-dawn bike ride and had a mechanical problem. I called him and he biked the 10 miles out on the trail to bring me a spare part and coffee. 

We watched the sunrise together. He invited me out for breakfast but I told him the guy I’m dating was still asleep at my apartment and I didn’t want him to wake up without me there. 

Terence said it was the last straw. The last thing he said to me was, “The next time you’re in trouble, call the guy you’re sleeping with, not me. Or better yet, just don’t call me again.” 

He hasn’t returned my calls, texts or emails. I feel like I’ve lost a really good friend. How do I repair the friendship?

Yes, this isn’t a big thing, but it’s just another little example of human relationships gone wrong, not in the way she treats her friend so much as the fact that in 21st century America, this woman, following what is the societal norm, sleeps with a man with whom she has so little connection that she not only won’t call him to ask for help but doesn’t even want to let him know she’s out on an early bike ride.  And her casual approach to dating, seemingly cycling through men like pairs of shoes, has cost her this relationship with someone she actually cares about, whom she “might date someday,” but it wasn’t his turn yet — though to be sure, she claims to care about him, but the actions that go along with these words seem to all be one-way.  (Amy’s advice was to let him go so that he can find someone who treats him better.)