Don’t overthink Mother’s Day (and getting the subject right!)

Have you ever been wished Happy Mother’s Day by the cashier at the grocery store?  This happened last year, I think for the first time, and was a very strange thing.  I wasn’t even with my kids, let alone looking stressed out by caring for them.  I didn’t have a cart full of diapers and baby formula.  I imagine she distinguished the mothers from the non-mothers in her line by the sheer volume of groceries, or else indiscriminately wished every woman coming through her register a Happy Mother’s Day.

And this is also the time of year when people wrestle with the Unfairness of Mother’s Day with respect to all manner of people, from infertile women, to women mourning a stillbirth or the loss of a child, to women who simply never had children, to men who raised children “as a mother,” to all manner of people involved in some way in the upbringing of children who aren’t being honored on this day.

But Mother’s Day isn’t directed at any of these people.  Really, it’s not directed at mothers either, and it most certainly isn’t a day for society (e.g., the media, churches, organizations of whatever kind, the government itself) to honor mothers, or mothering, or parenting or caring for children, or caring for anyone, generically.

Mother’s Day is a day for children to honor their mothers.  Hence, “getting the subject right”:   “mothers” are the object of Mother’s Day, children (child-children and adult-children) are the subject, the honor-ers.  If you are a child, honor your mother.  If she was a complete screw-up, and you can’t find any redeeming “she tried her best” way of looking at things, then you get a pass.  If your mother is deceased, then you can say a prayer for her, or in gratitude, depending on your beliefs.  If you choose to use the occasion of Mother’s Day to honor other people in your life, including your wife when your children are to small to do any honor-ing themselves, well, that’s fine, too; no one is stopping you.

And if you’re not a mother, and are grousing about Mother’s Day:  go honor your mother, in the best manner that fits your particular circumstances, and then go on with your day.