And, mind you, “introvert” carries with it a bit of “somewhere, somebody is probably secretly diagnosing me as on the autism spectrum.” Ill at ease in social situations, never quite relaxed because you’re worrying that you’ll say the wrong thing, or, at any rate, won’t say the right thing, and then will give everyone around you the impression that you’re a half-wit for standing there stupidly.
That’s been me, pretty much my whole life, and I feel like I’ve become even more introverted/social skills-impaired lately – or perhaps I’m just acknowledging this about myself more. To be sure, I put forth a good effort at socializing, getting involved, for instance, with the monthly discussion-and-socializing couples group at church. Heck, my husband and I are even one of the leader couples this year, and I think I do a respectable job leading the discussion, though, unlike, I suspect, pretty much everyone else in the group, I find the structured discussion part easier than the socializing afterwards.
Lately, though —
well, at last month’s leader pre-meeting, I said something that I perceived of as just a part of the flow of discussion, that drew a very angry response from another group member, and I just can’t shake the feeling that my best efforts to participate and “fit in” are a bust. This was followed by a set of coordinating calls around Cub Scouts, and a round of calls arranging my parents’ visit and a 50th anniversary celebration (nothing very big, just immediate and some extended family), and then my parents’ and sister’s actual visit for the past week, and, well, I’ve pretty much had enough of people (outside husband and children) for a while.
But the homily today (“today” being yesterday, when I started drafting this post) – well, it started with Mary and the shepherds, and the idea that the shepherds did not just come to worship Jesus and then leave, but were the teachers, telling Mary and Joseph what the angels had told them. Then the priest said that shepherds, at the time, were the “lowest of the low,” and brought in his work with refugees, and told us that we should not just help the poor and downtrodden, but “listen to their stories” and be taught by them.
And you’ve likely heard that before — that it’s not enough to write a check, but that we have to actively interact with the poor and needy, or the sick, or those that need some other sort of aid, for our deeds to be truly meritorious. Likewise, it’s not enough to read the Bible and say some prayers, but you really need to reach out to others, and build good relationships with other people, to be a Good Christian. It’s what you get on Trinity Sunday, too: just as the Trinity is a relationship, so we, too, must live our Christian lives building relationships with others rather than being in isolation.
So where does that leave introverts and those who struggle with social situations? Are we welcome in the Kingdom of Heaven?
(And, yes, less grumpy, more New Year’s-y post coming soon, but I wanted to get this off my chest.)
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