Nehemiah 13:23-31 Compatibility

What Makes a Great Partnership – Part 1

When it comes to building and maintaining a great partnership, there are some skills that are necessary. Today, we want to talk about one of them. This skill is called compatibility. Without compatibility, your partnership will be strained. God said in the Bible that “two should become one.” In essence, a marriage partnership should grow closer as the years go by. The first step to having two become one is being compatible. I want to share with you four different ways of building compatibility.

In order to build a great partnership, you must first be compatible before you can connect. Connection without compatibility is useless. Let me share with you a couple of real-world examples.

Example #1 – Cell phones and wires

When you look at all of these different cell phones, you have many that cannot be connected to the same wires. They have different connector points. Nokia works differently than an Erickson. If your wires are not from the same company, they don’t fit with other companies and your phone won’t recharge.

Example #2 – Spiritual Compatibility

If your spiritual wires are not compatibility, your relationship won’t work. This is because the relationship has no power supply. Or more precisely, the power sources come from completely different places. In order for the relationship to work, you have to have a converter.

Who is the spiritual converter in the relationship? Jesus Christ. Once you convert to Him, the power of the Holy Spirit will flow out of you to help you in your relationship.

How do you build compatibility in a relationship? How do you find what is compatible so that you can make a connection?

PRINCIPLE: For compatibility to work best, learn to concentrate on what you have in common.

WHAT DO WE HAVE IN COMMON?

It is important to understand that when you build a partnership, you want to concentrate on what is in common. You can look at the differences. When two people have more of these factors that are different than in common, it will mean that you will have a problem being compatible. It will be like the woman being an Erickson and the man being a wire to a Nokia phone. It very possible that in the long run, you are going to be a difficult relationship. But it is also important to remember that God puts a man and a woman together. If God has put you two together as a husband and wife, then He will work it out.

Some may say: Well, my relationship didn’t work. I had to get a divorce. My spouse was not compatible. What are you saying? I am saying that if you have gone through a separation and divorce, listen very carefully to God here about compatibility. Plug your device into the right wire system. If you are an Erickson, don’t go looking for Nokia or Motorola wires to make a connection. If you are not yet married, be wise and listen to what God says in His word about compatibility.

1. Interests

In those days I also saw Jews who had married women of Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab. (Nehemiah 13:23 NKJV)

Especially when two people come from completely different backgrounds, you can learn to share common interests. What do you like to do together? What sports do you like to play? Is there any hobbies that you can share? What type of movies do you like to see? A simple way to find out what you have in common is to list the interests.

In this case in Nehemiah, one can rightly infer that these Jews were not living in Jerusalem but somewhere in a Babylonian province far from other Jews. These Jewish men had taken up the interests of the women from the foreign empire. Is that a problem? By itself, no. But it was clear that these women had no interests in what Jews did. The Jews did not eat pork and had other dietary restrictions. These women had different eating habits. The Jews had different interests – Saturday was a holy day. For the women, Saturday was a free day – a day to go shopping.

So as partners you need to ask yourselves: “What do WE want to do?” Then do them together.

2. Values

And half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod, and could not speak the language of Judah, but spoke according to the language of one or the other people. (Nehemiah 13:24 NKJV)

Language is tied to values. Language communicates the values of a culture. Therefore, learning the language is very important. Without learning the language, you can’t understand your partner. As a result, your partner will lose significance in the marriage.

Paul says it another way to the church in Corinth. The church in Corinth was a multi-racial, multi-ethnic church. However, many of the members were married to people who were not spiritually compatible.

Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? (2 Corinthians 6:14-15 MSG)

As this translation says, when your partner has a different spiritual value system than you, your partnership is in trouble.

Not all values are spiritually based. Some values are, but not every single value. As a result, you can learn from the values, customs, and traditions of your partner. So to make your partnership better, you have to understand your partner better. The best way to improve your partnership is to learn from your partner.

For example, you can learn why someone does something a certain way by experiencing and learning their values first-hand. Let me share with you a personal example. When I first came to Germany, we lived in an apartment in Kirchheim. We had nice neighbors. But they insisted that I participated in a custom they called “Kehrwoche.” Roughly translated, it means “sweep week.” The idea is that each person in the apartment complex sweeps the steps and the front driveway. But they also showed me that I had to go to the curb with a dustpan and brush, and sweep the curb. It had to be so clean that you could eat your meal from the curb. To be clean and have a clean place, is a Swabian value. Once I know this, it helps me to understand my wife. Why does she spend every other week so intensely cleaning the house? Because her culture believes strongly in cleanliness and order.

There are many other good values that you can learn from your partner.

Ask yourselves, what can I learn from my partner? Then be open to learn and enjoy learning something new.

3. Dreams

So I contended with them and cursed them, struck some of them and pulled out their hair, and made them swear by God, saying, “You shall not give your daughters as wives to their sons, nor take their daughters for your sons or yourselves. (Nehemiah 13:25 NKJV)

Nehemiah made his people swear that what God wanted for them was what was right? Why? Because all of the dreams of God’s people are tied to His covenant. The dreams of God’s people were tied to the values of God’s people. God had given His people the nation of Israel a long-standing dream. He said to Abraham that out of his family would come a great nation, and that every nation would be blessed. He even promised His people a place where they could worship God and live for Him. The only warning that God have His people was to “not be like the other nations around them.” Why? Because God knew that people who have no allegiance to God will not want to follow the plans of God. God’s dreams for you were not the nation’s dreams for you.

God has given you as a couple dreams and visions. These dreams come in danger when you don’t submit to God’s desire for your life.

Ask yourselves, what are my dreams? Ask your partner, what are your dreams? Share your dreams with one another. Then go after your dreams together.

4. Faith

Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? Yet among many nations there was no king like him, who was beloved of his God; and God made him king over all Israel. Nevertheless pagan women caused even him to sin. Should we then hear of your doing all this great evil, transgressing against our God by marrying pagan women?” (Nehemiah 13:26-27 NKJV)

Ultimately, the interests, values, and dreams of each partner is tied to the faith of each partner.

Should we follow your example, commit such a serious crime against our God, and be unfaithful to him by marrying non-Israelite women?” (Nehemiah 13:27 GW)

To God, it would criminal to consider someone else other than a Christian as your marriage partner. In these verses, the problem is not that the partner is from a foreign land. Instead, she committed herself to a foreign religion. You cannot grow a partnership when you are doing things separately. The same is true even when it comes to your faith in Jesus Christ in your marriage. When two people come together – and one is not a Christian – all of the interests, the dreams, the values, will be different. Because the faith is different, there will be the high risk of a separation. If not a legal separation like divorce, there certainly will come the chance of a relational separation. Your spiritual compatibility will affect your spiritual connection. If you are spiritually wired differently, you will not be able to connect with your partner.

So what do you do?

If you are single, you look for the right spiritual wiring in the other person that will let you know that you can connect with them. Even though the plug-in is the same, the wires may still be a little different. A person who comes from a Catholic background will be different than someone from a Charismatic background. You both have to find a church where you can be connected together. For many here, that is the IBC Bremen.

If you are married, and your spouse is of another faith, what do you do?

You live a life that shares Jesus with them. You depend on God to bring your spouse to your faith.

If you are a Christian woman and you have a non-Christian spouse, then you ought to listen to the example of Peter:

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. (1 Peter 3:1-4 NLT)

If you are a Christian man and you have a non-Christian spouse, then you ought to listen to the example of Nehemiah:

I rebuked them, cursed them, beat some of their men, and pulled out their hair. I forced them to take an oath before God and said: “You must not give your daughters in marriage to their sons or take their daughters as wives for your sons or yourselves! (Nehemiah 13:25 HCSB)

Now, are we supposed to follow the example of Nehemiah and get angry and pull out everyone’s hair who violates God’s instruction? No, but we must take the principle behind the action very seriously.

Fathers, this means that you teach your children the importance of your faith. As long as your children are under your home and care, they learn just as Joshua led his children to “serve the Lord.” You don’t allow your daughters or sons to come home and date Muslims, or Buddhists, or people from other faiths. You teach them to look to God’s choice for their marriage.

Mothers, you teach your children why it is important to follow a Christian husband. You set the example because women can obviously influence men to follow God or deny God.

Nehemiah shows in verse 25 that it was not just that you don’t give your children to people who do not share the same faith. Nehemiah was concerned about the next generation. He was also concerned about people of the present generation who would set the example. That is why in verse 25, he stresses that the men themselves should not take wives for themselves from another faith. The point here is that you don’t wait until later to discuss the importance of compatibility. You make an effort now to work on your partnership (or your future partnership) so that you are compatible.

Photo by Wilson Sánchez on Unsplash