Church Work: Visiting the Hospital

So just a few days ago I walked into a Hospice room of a church member . It was someone who had made a dent in their little area of the world, he had lived well, and was dearly loved by his family and friends, and now they were gathered around saying goodbye as best as they could.

And as soon as I walked in the room I knew I was in a holy place. As in, It was set apart, unlike the rest of the hectic world right waiting right outside that hallway.

So I’ve recently started a Friday blog series on practical ministry tips for other preachers and ministers and local church volunteers just entering ministry. And  next week, Ben Siburt, my Executive minister and a former hospital chaplain will give some tips from what he’s learned.

I believe this is one of the most important aspects of ministry, but it’s also one of the more delicate ones too.

Because people are more vulnerable in the hospital than they are at almost any time in their lives.

They probably aren’t wearing makeup, they don’t have their suit or skinny jeans on (they’ve been given a reverse apron) and they have little control over their environment or what the doctors are doing to their body. They are sick. And for a follower of Jesus, you know he loved to hang around with that demographic.

There is something about the hospital that takes all the pretense out of life isn’t there?

When my wife and I had a miscarriage a few years ago, we had to spend two days in the hospital, and while I had visited hundreds of people there, and had been there for two previous births, this was different.

No one really says they’re fine in a hospital do they?

You’re probably worried and scared, you’re tired and people keep coming in to check on you, and chances are you’re dealing with quite a bit of physical pain.

And then your minister walks in.

So that is their shoes. And in order to do this, we’ve got to realize that who you are going to visit might not be their normal, pleasant self.

So a couple of tips that I’ve gotten that have served me well:

1). Know what’s going on with them before you go. It will shape your visit. Trust me. If they’ve been there for a while and are waiting to be released, they might be talkative and love to have a conversation.

If they are very well-known they may have had more company than they need. If they have been in severe pain or in physical therapy all day, they might not want to visit long or at all. Don’t let that bother you.

We can’t be insecure about this. If the people don’t want to visit than it’s not because they hate you or they are a bad person. They’re sick, and they probably don’t have any energy left for anyone.

2). Keep it short…kind of. I’ve learned to watch the person I’m visiting for cues. If they are obviously wanting to talk more, I’ll try and spend as much time as I can. They may just want a friendly face who isn’t trying to constantly put a syringe in their hindparts.

A couple of months ago, I broke all my own rules and spent over an hour in a hospital room with a incredibly kind senior saint who needed more conversation than medicine.

Some of the best surprise relationships for me have been born out of these visits. but a good rule of thumb for visitations is try to keep it around or under 10-15 minutes. Chances are they need to rest. You want them to wish you could  had stayed more time, not less.

3). Get to know the person better. If they are lucid and not in a lot of pain, use this as a time to get to know their story. For me, this is one of the most enjoyable parts of hospital visiting.

I love to ask them how their spouse proposed, or to give me marriage or parenting advice, or what life was like back during the civil rights movement. It’s fascinating, and if you are a preacher, you will know your congregation better and preach better for it.

Preachers are constantly reading and searching for sermon illustrations, and chances are, there are people from the church who would love to visit with you, and they have stories that are a thousand times better than a warmed over story from a Chicken Soup for the Soul.

4) Choose your words carefully. You don’t have to always talk. The gift you are really trying to give is your presence. I went with my former boss, Rick Atchley, quite a few times to visit people in the hospital.

And one of the things that I heard him say to people was that “God didn’t cause this, but I know he can use this moment to shape you.”

I love that.

Hospitals are not just for healing the body, God can do some of His best work when people are forced to slow down and examine life from a different perspective.

They are sacred spaces where people are often forced to re-evaluate what matters in life and what doesn’t. And  while you never want to give people a bad view of God, it’s important to help them sense the presence of God with them even in hard times.

I like to pray with people when appropriate, and sometimes I’ll pray for healing of their body, and sometimes I’ll pray for healing of their heart or for God’s presence to be real to them.

But I want them to know even when nobody’s with them, they are not alone.

5). Just Go. You probably can’t go see everyone, but that’s not an excuse to not see anyone.

If you don’t know where to start, ask a shepherd or church leader to tell you when someone is in the Hospital who would be blessed by a visit from you. Yes, it might be awkward at first, and yes you probably have a hundred other things to do.

But I know us ministers. We’re not always that busy, and the excuses we can tell ourself will always seem believable.

But some of the most successful preachers and ministers I have known, carve out time to make hospital visits. This is the difference between being a preacher, and being a pastor. I believe that this blesses every other part of your ministry. Because it’s here you get to do more than hear people talk about faith, you get to see it.

And that brings me back to the Hospice room I was at earlier this week.

I’m sitting with this family, listening to the kids tell stories about what a great dad he is and was and watching a wife hold her husband’s hand as she says goodbye. And it moved me deeply. They had been married for 62 years and now her best friend in the world was leaving her and there was nothing either one of them could do about it.

And so I wept. I wept because I now have an idea about what’s behind those decades of marriage, and the sacrifices that they made for each other. I knew the kinds of things he had not done to be a good husband and father.

And I left that room encouraged by a life that was well lived.

And that’s the main thing I’ve learned from doing Hospital Visits for the past 10 years. It’s not just a blessing for those you are going to visit. It’s a blessing for you. We need this. Because there are a lot of advertisements telling us what the good life is. If you would just buy this deodorant or that car than you would be content.

But we don’t ever get the PR campaign for living sacrifically for others. Until the Hospital bed.

Because it’s there that we find out what we should have known all along.

The Gospel is more than just a good idea, it is the best possible way to live.