A girl heckles a comic in a Chicago club. They meet at the bar, wind up going back to his place and having sex. Then, afterward, she insists on hiding under a blanket to put her clothes on, because him seeing her naked in the throes of passion is not the same as just seeing her naked.
That little scene in the new movie “The Big Sick” says a lot about the confused state of modern romance — that two people can share the intimacy of sex and yet still be strangers.
With its R rating, “The Big Sick,” currently in theaters, is not a film for the whole family, but it is a film ABOUT the whole family — two families, actually. Its fictionalized story is inspired by the real-life courtship of its co-writers, “Silicon Valley” star Kumail Nanjiani and his wife, Emily Gordon.
Standup-comic-turned-actor Nanjiani plays himself in the movie — more or less, because the story took place more than a decade ago, but is set in the present — and Zoe Kazan plays grad student Emily.
After their first-date sex, the two have an on-again/off-again romance, in which the once-burned, divorced Emily comes clean about her reservations, while Kumail hides his difficulties with his very traditional Pakistani Muslim family. Most especially, there’s his determined mother (Zenobia Shroff), who keeps inviting eligible Pakistani girls to dinner in hopes of arranging a marriage for her son.
Although many of these girls are very pretty and bright, Kumail — who has secretly given up his faith — isn’t interested. But ultimately, the cultural conflict comes between him and Emily.
Just as it looks like all romantic hope is lost, Emily’s sudden and serious illness brings Kumail unexpectedly back into her life. She’s put into a medically induced coma, and it’s up to her estranged lover to contact her parents. When Beth (Holly Hunter) and Terry (Ray Romano) arrive from North Carolina, they know all about Kumail, and they’re perfectly happy to have him hit the road now.
But he wants to stick around, even though coming clean to his own parents about both his loss of faith and love life threatens to cause a permanent rift.
What follows shows that sex and love are not interchangeable. Kumail and Emily had lots of sex, but they never really got to know each other. Through Emily’s parents, Kumail falls more deeply in love with her, and Beth and Terry get to know Kumail much better than their daughter did.
Kumail also gets a window into Beth and Terry’s devoted but damaged relationship, which stands as one of the most realistic marriages to be seen on screen in quite a while.
The question ultimately comes, if Emily survives, will she and Kumail get back together? Of course, since this is a true story, we know that both happen, but perhaps not quite in the way we expect.
“The Big Sick” shows us something not often seen in modern movies and TV — an ordinary Muslim family that is, like many immigrants, trying to keep one foot in the old country while raising their children in the new one. And like many parents of faith, they have to accept that religious belief doesn’t pass in the DNA, it has to be consciously accepted by the next generation … and that doesn’t always happen.
There are some awkward ISIS- and 9/11-related moments, but they’re handled with wit and without moralizing (and prove again that nobody messes with Holly Hunter).
The faith of Emily and her parents is never brought up (the real Kumail and Emily married in 2007 in a civil ceremony, followed by a Muslim one). Kumail’s religion is dealt with primarily as a part of his Pakistani heritage, rather than an issue on its own.
The film has an R-rating, not for actual sex scenes but for lots of innuendo and rough language. The main characters’ sexual mores reflect contemporary secular society, with sex supposedly being no big deal.
“The Big Sick” ultimately shows that love is the really big deal, and it’s a lot harder and more painful and more rewarding than any amount of casual sex. Kumail’s love for Emily becomes most serious and sacrificial when she’s potentially slipping from his grasp, and when he learns how to put her needs before his own. It’s also revealed that there was a big moral rift in Terry and Beth’s marriage, which is still being repaired.
In the movie as in real life, Emily suffers from a rare ailment that could have killed her if not treated. She still deals with it today, and her husband remains as devoted to her as ever.
From The Hollywood Reporter:
“I just have to practice self-care in the ways we all should be doing — get enough sleep, eat healthy and regularly, exercise and keep my stress and drinking down — but I have to be a little more diligent about it because if I slip on any of those, my immune system can act up,” Gordon explains of controlling her condition, which she does with Nanjiani’s help. “My parents call him my lion, and he really is. At times when I’m not great at self-care, he will force me to be good about it.”
Here’s to hoping that there’s an equally funny, honest, raw, charming and affecting story out there to be told on the big screen about a faithful couple that saves sex for marriage.
Who’s going to tell it?
Images: Courtesy FilmNation Entertainment
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