An Obituary For The American Church

An Obituary For The American Church December 3, 2019

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved woman, The American Church, who has been with us for many years. Although, no one knows for sure how old she was since her birth records were lost long ago during a contentious Wednesday night business meeting and ice cream social.

She will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as ‘God Bless America’, ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’ and ‘God helps those who help themselves’.

The American Church lived by simple, sound financial policies such as tithing the gross and not the net, and being a good steward of her money by not giving to the homeless who would probably only use it to buy beer anyway.

She was also known for her reliable growth strategies including the importance of attracting more young married couples than the church down the street and the need for great youth programs, a killer worship band and free designer coffee in the atrium.

Her health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but misguided practices began to be observed. Reports include times where she turned away those who came to her in need of bread, or shelter because their giving records were inconsistent. Although she reportedly spent millions on new buildings for herself, paved bigger parking lots for her friends, and purchased numerous plasma screen televisions and Playstations for the youth room.

The American Church lost further ground when she abandoned the power of the Gospel to transform people’s hearts and minds through love and instead turned to political means in a desperate attempt to change the laws of the land to create a more comfortable environment for herself to live in.

Her health declined even further when her organs began to shut down until only one, smaller organ was left to perform all bodily functions by itself. Eventually, that organ [the Pastor] collapsed and sadly the rest of her organs were too weak to operate as expected.

The American Church lost the will to live early on as the Ten Commandments became more important to her than her husband’s love. Many cite her decision to become more businesslike as an indication of her dwindling mental capacities. As the economy collapsed, she also began to grow weaker and found herself unable to take care of herself or to fulfill her long-forgotten mission to continue the tradition of extravagant love demonstrated so famously by her husband many years ago.

As her assets began to shrink, so too did her effectiveness.

The American Church took several beatings when her representatives over the years were often caught in hypocrisy and greed. Some of these even contradicted her husband, Jesus, concerning wealth, poverty, love, forgiveness, and judgment. Others were better about saying the right things, but sadly not many of them actually followed through.

The American Church finally expired after an overwhelming number of her children grew tired of bank rolling the ever-increasing cost of keeping her on life support and pulled the plug. She died almost instantly. Her husband, Jesus was not available for comment.

Not many attended her funeral because so few realized she was gone and she didn’t really know her neighbors. If you still remember her pass this on. If not, join the majority and go on with your life.

In lieu of flowers the family asks that you read the New Testament and attempt to follow the instructions of her husband, Jesus.

After the poem, “An Obituary for Common Sense” found

Inspired by Mike Breen’s article, “Obituary for the American Church”


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 Keith Giles was formerly a licensed and ordained minister who walked away from organized church 11 years ago, to start a home fellowship that gave away 100% of the offering to the poor in the community. Today, He and his wife have returned to El Paso, TX after 25 years, as part of their next adventure. They hope to start a new house church very soon.
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  • Judgeforyourself37

    Had the church been relevant to today’s world, knowledge and thinking, she may have survived. The church has ministers who preach as if we were living in the 2nd century, and that the Bible was history, instead a series of myths. This is especially true of the Evangelical and Roman Catholic Churches, although most churches fit that description. The R. C. C. and the Evangelical Churches are groups that seem to think that we use the “Brain Rack” when we attend church. You do know what the “Brain Rack” is, don’t you? It is the place where you hang up your brains, listen to the minister or priest prattle one and when he is done and you leave the church you go to the “Brain Rack” and retrieve your brains. The Brain Rack is located adjacent to the Coat Rack.

  • bill wald

    The first church was in North Africa and failed.Jumped to Italy, Northern Europe, Over to North America. Where to next? South America, South Africa, and finally, back to North African.Then what? Asia and the church will have failed on all major land masses. Then what? Jesus returns or God starts over in another galaxy?

  • BruceOcala

    “Not many attended her funeral because so few realized she was gone ….” Great line! Thanks!

  • Ocelot Aardvark

    The first church, the true Bride of Christ, was located in Jerusalem. The righteous, First Fruits were “Raptured” by her Husband, Jesus Christ, sometime during the late First Century, AD.
    – Matthew 16:28, Mark 9:1, Luke 9:27

    Soon afterwards, the church slowly but systematically morphed into the “Harlot of Babylon”.

    She changed God’s Sabbath to the sun-god’s sabbath, statues and idols appeared, the Inquisition, money, greed, political power, war, false teachings, blasphemies, and the use of fear and force to maintain membership, became the new ‘gospel’.

    And here we are today, with a corrupted ‘church’ … unrecognizable from the First Century, original Christian church, because Christ has removed her lamp-stand due to her sins and heresies. – Revelation 2:5

  • Ocelot Aardvark

    This is one of the best articles I have read in Patheos. Thank you Mr. Giles for writing and submitting it.

  • rationalobservations?

    The first “church” was brutally imposed upon the world in 4th century Rome. There is no historical trace of the existence of Jesus or any cult of Jesus that originated from within the time in which the centuries later and ever changing legends of “Jesus” are set. There is no trace of the word “Jesus” in any text or on any artefact that originates from within the first century.

    All religious myths die in time and as education and civilisation spreads, superstition based upon ignorance and gullibility decline. This has already occurred across most of the educated, free predominantly secular developed world and the USA is only slowly catching up…

  • rationalobservations?

    There is no historical evidence of the existence and later invented exploits of “Jesus” that originates from within the 1st century.

    The scam started in the 4th century.

  • Nixon is Lord

    Look at Sweden; barely a quarter of the population realized that the Lutheran Church there was disestablished. It was like a long-lost crazy aunt in a nursing home a thousand miles away.

  • Nixon is Lord

    And we’re still paying tax breaks and housing allowances for it; even “progressives” who denounce “Caesar” don’t want to give those up.

  • Nixon is Lord

    How about “Everytime she(sic) entered the room, people edged for the door, avoiding lectures that ran the gamut of transgendered migrant rights to demanding that abortion be banned. Unable to make up her(sic) mind, people realized she had been seriously schizoid for years and had her(sic)committed.”

  • Kirk T.

    I’m trying to find a good way to say that, “without anyone noticing, she left her husband Jesus many decades ago and took up with a string of powers and principalities pretending to be new saviors. Meanwhile, Jesus moved on, vowing never to take another bride, but instead building many friendships and partnerships with people who were committed to making their little corners of God’s creation better for all.”

    I have a feeling that many of us will make little editorial additions to fit our own contexts and perspectives, which is the living beauty of this thought process. Thank you, Keith, for this thoughtful and thought-provoking obituary.

  • rationalobservations?

    Religion is a confidence trick and protection racket that is established as the biggest and most profitable tax exempt business.
    Religion drains money from the world and from real charities to which religious institutions contribute nothing.

    Religion I as a blight and the sooner if dies ok ut completely the better the world will be.

    The example is that according to the Global Peace Index, the most peaceful and prosperous nations are also the least religious free, seçular democracies.

  • Nimblewill

    If you consider yourself a follower of Jesus, part of the Church, then you are as responsible for her demise. What are you doing about it? Let the dead bury their dead. It’s so easy to point out the problems. We are either part of the solution or part of the pollution. I’m still in. I’ve been by the bedside.Remember Jesus is in the resurrection business.

  • bill wald

    Then there is no church to attend or “body of believers” we can join. The best anyone can do is to attempt to “love God” and work at being a good neighbor. I agree. Talk to anyone who you run across who appears civilized.

  • bill wald

    You are still in exactly what????

  • bill wald

    “Then what must I do to be saved?”

    We have a problem with no solution. Eat, drink, and try to be merry because in the long run, we are all dead and don’t have a clue if there is another existence. Be civilized. Associate with people who appear to be civilized.

  • Ocelot Aardvark

    Not so! I have NO part or responsibility in the Harlot of Babylon’s demise. I have fought “tooth and nail” to convince my fellow members that listening to, and believing the lies spewed by TЯ卐m₽-the-Beast, hate-talk-show hosts and other deceitful conspiracy theorists, is utterly against God and humanity.

    Which, according to your own words, makes today’s Harlot of Babylon ‘church’ entirely “the pollution!”

    Even those who are in leadership positions have shown themselves to be false prophets and wolves in sheep’s clothing.

    Now that the Beast has erupted from out of the Bottomless Pit, there is no remedy except following the Scripture passage found in Revelation 18:4 …

    Come out of her my people, lest ye partake of her sins and receive of her plagues.”

    Yes, the “Harlot” has babbled all the expected lip-service required to fool even genuine children of God, but has blatantly disregarded Christ’s commandments and teaching in every respect.

    So much so that 81% of their members surrendered their souls to, and allowed the evil spirit of the Beast to replace the Holy Spirit of Christ in their hearts and minds … thereby putting the Mark of the Beast in their own foreheads.

  • Nimblewill

    I go to church.

  • Nimblewill

    I’m simply not in a position to make such a judgment which is by no means saying that you are wrong. 25 years ago I really believe the Spirit showed me two passages from Ezekiel:
    I am sending you to the Israelites, to a rebellious nation that has rebelled against me; they and their ancestors have been in revolt against me to this very day. 4 The people to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says.’ 5 And whether they listen or fail to listen—for they are a rebellious people—they will know that a prophet has been among them. 6 And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or be terrified by them, though they are a rebellious people. 7 You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious. 8 But you, son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not rebel like that rebellious people; open your mouth and eat what I give you.”


    You are not being sent to a people of obscure speech and strange language, but to the people of Israel— 6 not to many peoples of obscure speech and strange language, whose words you cannot understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you. 7 But the people of Israel are not willing to listen to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for all the Israelites are hardened and obstinate. 8 But I will make you as unyielding and hardened as they are. 9 I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious people.”

    And yes I could be wrong but I could be right. I believe that we have fallen into the same trap the Israelites had fallen into.

  • Nimblewill

    I thought we were called to love our enemies?

  • Ocelot Aardvark

    And who are “my enemies”? Are you saying the the Harlot of Babylon, fake christians are my enemies? Certainly, since surrendering their souls to the Beast, they have become the enemies of Christ.

    In any case, I am loving my enemies. Just being here, and warning my wayward brothers and sisters of the gravity of allowing the evil spirit of the Beast to replace the Holy Spirit of Christ in their hearts and minds >–> IS an Act of Love!

  • bill wald

    Good! Every person should be able to a church that suits their situation. Find a church where you think you could be useful in/to the congregation.