sometimes working in a third world country makes me feel like i am emptying the ocean with an eye-dropper. and just when i have about half a cup full of water, it rains: more orphans from the north migrate to where i live, more abandoned and dead babies are found, more people are infected with aids. it is enough to discourage even the most enthusiastic and passionate person. and yet the discouragement lasts only a moment and God tells me to keep going. that He loves me. that he loves these people. that He will never leave or forsake any of us, not one. that my work IS important, to Him.

i spent the day at the wedding of my friend lydia. it was a beautiful celebration not only of our love for one another, but also the love God has for us. at the reception, there was cake and singing and dancing, just like at any american wedding. one thing that wasnt like an american wedding however, was the congregation of street children at the gate, all longing to join the party inside. those who know me know that i am not the kind of person who can sit in a chair if others have to sit on the floor; i immediately felt suffocated inside the gates of the extravagant party. so for most of the reception you could find me outside with the raggedy, dirty street children dancing and laughing and cuddling. most people were slightly appalled that i, a WHITE person especially, was associating with these children, the lowest of the low, the outcasts of society. many of the fancily dressed guest at the wedding even came and told me that i probably shouldnt speak to these awful children, let alone kiss them and let them bury their faces in my hair. “the are from the street!” the people would cry, as if it was some kind of sin, as if the children could help it. we had so much fun though. the children ate up every bit of attention i could give, danced as close to me as they possibly could and lavished me with love. we spun and laughed until we ached and had to collapse in the grass outside of where the reception was taking place. those who had been shy at first (they are not used to adults talking to them, let alone mzungus) ended up snuggled close at my side, petting my hair or kissing my hands. the littlest ones fell asleep in my lap, despite the blaring music from the wedding. those who could speak english wanted to know all about me and thanked me unneccisarily for spending time with them. they were so happy, i cant describe the new light in their eyes after all of our dancing.

its that light.

its that happiness.

its that love.

my darling little friend emily is asleep in my lap and i can feel her heart beating against mine.

its that beat.

its that warmth.

its that love.

its that love that is the reason i just keep filing up my little eye-dropper. keep filling it up and emptying my ocean one drop at a time. im not here to eliminate poverty, to eradicate disease, to put a stop to people abandoning babies. im just here to love.