Walking With Others: Allowing Prayer To Transform Ourselves

Prayer is not just about interceding for others; it’s also a powerful tool for personal transformation in how we intentionally find ourselves walking with others. In my last blog post, I unpacked the framework that I use to be more effective when praying for the people I walk alongside. There are many times in which I have seen prayer transform pain, people, problems, and probabilities in my own life – and in the life of others. Praying for others matters – and it is something we need to do more of. However, as we relate to others, it’s essential to allow prayer to first and foremost change us. While the pressure to offer solutions or support can sometimes cloud our perception, we must remain surrendered and attuned to what God is doing in their lives. Often, our own issues or limited viewpoints can obscure the subtle ways the Holy Spirit is working. By focusing on transformation through prayer, we align our mindset, attitude, and awareness with God’s work, both in our own lives and in the lives of those we support. As we find ourselves walking with others, this practice helps ensure that our interactions are guided by divine insight rather than human limitations.

Prayer with and for others is also about changing ourselves.

We are called to not only intercede for others, but that we must allow prayer to first and foremost change us. While walking alongside others, I must stay surrendered and in tune with what God is doing and saying in their life or situation. Too often, the pressure to offer helpful support or solutions can get in the way and I can miss what God is doing in, with, and through another person’s life. There are times my mind is preoccupied with my own problems, and times in which my worldview might shape my perception of an individual’s life or situations. Seemingly loud and broken realities in an individual’s life may cause me to miss out on the subtle whispers and winds of the Holy Spirit. If we speak more than we listen, we may step away from our job as a listener, and even overlook the ways God is showing up and off in a situation.

Prayer must also transform our mindset, attitude, and awareness.

I am coming to believe that walking alongside others also involves praying for transformation for ourselves – especially for our mindset, attitude, and awareness as we look to encourage, equip, and empower others. This season of my life is helping me to see that it is as important for me to pray for the way I relate to others as I walk alongside them, as much as it is important for me to pray for others. As Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard stated, the function of prayer is “to change the nature of one who prays.” A significant part of walking alongside others is allowing your perspective to be transformed and learning not to rely on having all the answers. Instead, it’s about being transformed to recognize where God is already breaking into their reality.

Prayer is about keeping our eyes on God.

Oswald Chambers once famously said, “We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties.” This quote reminds us that a right view of God will redefine how we see our problems. However, if we are too focused on the problems and difficulties in our life, that painful reality will redefine how we look at God. Prayer keeps our eyes on God, and this must be true when we are walking alongside others too. When we are at the side of another, we are praying with our eyes focused on God, and what God is capable of, not on the difficulties in their life. We pray so that we see God, and not their problems, in their current situation. I like the quote from E.M. Bounds, “Prayer gives us eyes to see God. Prayer is seeing God.” In the same way that prayer helps us to see where God is at work in our lives, and realigns our hearts to the rule and reign of God, we must also pray to be able to see the work of God in others lives. I don’t want to see what I think is best for someone, but rather I want to see God at work in their lives. I want to see the ways God is showing up in, with, and through someone’s life or situation.

Prayer in the scriptures is also about transforming our mindset, attitude, and awareness.

Though intercessory prayer is often exemplified by Paul in Ephesians 1:17-18, where he prays for the Spirit of wisdom and revelation for others, it is also important to recognize that intercessory prayer can be directed towards ourselves and our own situations. I have found it helpful to intercede for my own mindset, attitude, and awareness as I relate to others.

It is crucial to pray that we do not conform to the patterns of this world, but rather embrace the transformation of a renewed mind (Romans 12:2). We can pray that our attitude should be characterized by “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12). In our interactions with others, we should pray to receive wisdom from God, who gives generously to all without finding fault (James 1:5), rather than relying solely on our own limited understanding in relating to others. We should pray that our hearts become “sympathetic, loving… compassionate and humble” (1 Peter 3:8). I have always found David’s songs, laments, and prayers in Psalms to also be intercessory prayers for his mindset, attitude, and awareness.

David’s commitment to a transformed mindset is evident in Psalm 119:15-16, where he meditates on God’s precepts for a new way of seeing. In checking his attitude, David invites God to search him, know his heart, test his anxious thoughts, and reveal any offensive ways (Psalm 139:23-24). Our heart’s condition often shapes our awareness, so David prays, “Create in me a pure heart… and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). David also highlights the importance of unity and harmonious relationships in Psalm 133:1, celebrating how good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity – becoming otherly focused. Recognizing that our lives and actions can impact others, David prays for God’s face to shine upon us, so that God’s ways may be known and visible through us to others (Psalm 67:1-2) In essence, intercessory prayer, when relating to others, helps to seek transformation in ourselves and our relationships, aligning our mindset, attitude, and awareness with God’s work in the life of others.

Praying before relating to others.

I am trying to get in the habit of praying for others as I relate to them. Through intercessory prayer before a session or time with someone, I aim to engage with them wholeheartedly, with integrity and honor, ensuring I am fully present, actively listening, genuinely helpful, and guided by the Spirit of God during our one-on-one sessions. These prayers are for a greater sense of commitment and reflect my desire to provide meaningful support and guidance to each individual who crosses my path. If you have ever been in charge of one-on-one meetings, you know that it can sometimes be challenging to embody qualities like being present, love, discernment, humility, attentive listening, boldness or gentleness, patience, wisdom, openness of heart, and a welcoming demeanor in each and every meeting or session. These 12 prayers are a framework that is designed to center and actualize what it means to be fully attentive and fully surrendered to what God is doing at that moment – in their life.

As we find ourselves walking with others, I want to ensure that I am fully present and attentive. Additionally, I aim to model love and empathy in our interactions. I also desire that their time in sharing and conversing with me becomes a moment of wisdom and guidance for them. Lastly, I hope they can hear and respond to God’s call into a new way of being. These twelve prayers help me focus my mindset, attitude, and awareness in this way—to collaborate with God’s Spirit.

Presence and Attentiveness –

God, you are quick to listen, so help me truly hear what is being communicated (James 1:19).
God, you are not quick to speak; help me say only what needs to be said, and may I say it to this soul with gentleness or boldness, as needed (James 1:19).
God, you are slow to anger; help me avoid apathy, anger, or annoyance when I hear something this soul has done, shares, or plans to do (James 1:19; Psalms 145:8-9).
God, you are ever present; help me be fully present with this soul, in this space, at this time (Matthew 18:20).

Love and Empathy –

God, you are holy; help me be pure, peace-loving, considerate, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere in my motives with this soul (James 3:17).
God, you love this soul; help me mirror your love, and help me love them well (1 John 3:16-18).
God, you are love, help me to exemplify patience, kindness, humility, and honor (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Wisdom and Guidance –

God, you are ever-knowing, and I do not know all, nor must I, so speak in, with, and through me and give me the words (1 Corinthians 2:10-11; Mark 13:11).
God, your scriptures are alive and active; reveal the scripture in this meeting that will disclose thoughts and attitudes of the heart and equip, teach, rebuke, correct, and train (Hebrews 4:12; 2 Timothy 3:16-17).
God, you are at work in this soul; help me see where you are working (Philippians 1:6).

Reception and Transformation –

God, through Jesus, you offer rest; let this weary and burdened soul hear Jesus’ invitation to rest, surrender their yoke for yours, and experience your gentleness (Matthew 11:28-30).
God, you are God; soften this soul to receive your wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and instruction, and may worshipful reverence consume our hearts (Proverbs 1:7; Proverbs 2:2).

These twelve prayers I keep on the wall above my desk in my office. It helps me slow down, be quick to listen and slow to speak, and they help train my eyes and hears on where the Kingdom of God is at hand.

Prayer keeps us focused on what is at hand.

David G. Benner describes pastoral care as the care of souls, a perspective echoed by many early church leaders who encouraged us to view others as souls rather than merely as people with problems. This mindset has been transformative for me, reminding me that our interactions are not just about addressing issues but about engaging with the essence and image of God within each individual. In the prayers mentioned, referring to individuals as souls underscores the eternal and ongoing nature of their journey and identity. As it has been said, we are not merely humans with souls; rather, we are souls experiencing life in a human context.

Walking with others in intentionality.

I invite you to integrate prayer into your interactions with others, invite God into your life in a way that transforms how to relate to others in the process of walking alongside them. What prayers might you pray before you walk alongside others – or relate with others? By aligning our mindset, attitude, and awareness with the Spirit of God through prayer, we become more attuned to what God is doing in them – and ultimately in us. How we relate to others might be as important as anything we can say to them – and for this reason I think it is important that we become more intentional with how we relate to others by praying for personal transformation. We can embrace prayer as a tool for not only guiding our own hearts but also for enriching our relationships and enhancing our ability to serve and support others effectively. May our prayers be a reflection of God’s love and a testament to the transformative power of God in every interaction we have with others as we walk alongside them.