What Kept This Divorced Catholic From Leaving The Church Might Surprise You

In 2006, I began working on a project that I hoped would have a significant effect on the lives of divorced Catholics. In 2009, this project became the Voices of Hope video presentation and it highlights 35 Catholic men and women who had been through a divorce and very candidly shared their stories of the challenges and triumphs they faced as they struggled to rebuild their lives and be happy again. Sometimes, I think the one most affected by this whole thing is myself, for as we were shooting the video interviews, I sat across from each individual in awe of their answers to my questions. Their stories were heartbreaking, yes, but their courage and wisdom in dealing with it all is profound.

One person’s story in particular, from a guy named Bill, is one I’ll never forget and is a bold underscoring of what the Extraordinary Synod really is all about. When Bill’s ex-wife divorced him, she was awarded custody of his sons and he was relegated to having them every other weekend. Imagine losing your home and your intact family, only to be reduced to having a visitor’s status and only allowed to see your children once every two weeks. Devastating. Bill struggled mightily with his new normal and a deep depression enveloped him nearly to the point of giving up on his faith altogether. But one thing kept him coming back to mass every week… holding hands during the recitation of the Our Father. The weight of his loneliness was so great and when other parishioners held out their hands at that point in the mass, that would be the only human contact he would have for the two weeks between visits with his sons. Other than holding hands at that point at the Mass, he had no hugs, no pats on the back, nothing.

This simple act of praying with his community while having that physical contact served as a powerful reminder that he was not alone, despite losing his wife and children, and that his brothers and sisters in Christ would always be his family. It is true, love needs to be more than just interior knowledge: It must be demonstrated. If you’d like to watch the excerpt of Bill’s testimony, you can find the Voices of Hope preview of Stay Close To The Sacraments here.

We Are Family

The Synod is a big deal for many reasons, especially for those who are living a story similar to Bill’s. As a Catholic family, we need to find ways to step out of our comfort zones and reach out to those in the fringe areas, the ones who are barely hanging on, but hanging on nonetheless. Contrary to what some might believe, the Catholic Church does not require, nor recommend those who are divorced should live like hermits. Community is a vital part of their healing process and their fellow parishioners play a big role in that.

Holding hands during the recitation of the Our Father is not in the rubrics of the mass, nor is it encouraged among the faithful and I am not suggesting that it should become standard practice. What I am suggesting is that showing charity toward others is extremely important. Whether you are comfortable with this practice or not, won’t you at least take a second look at the person next to you in the pew with outstretched hands? Your interaction with him or her might very well be the one thing that keeps them coming back to mass.

I welcome your questions and comments at lisa@lisaduffy.com.