Dreading The Holidays? Turn It All Around With This Simple Advice

The holiday season has officially begun, and if you’re suffering loss of any kind – especially the loss of being divorced – you’re probably wincing in pain at the thought of it all. The office parties, family gatherings and other celebrations only serve as a reminder of your loss and can easily leave you feeling lonely, jealous, depressed and angry. But, allow me to offer you a way to turn this around. It’s not your typical advice for sure, but it is a perfect opportunity to start sharpening your ability to experience love in the midst of turmoil and actually have a reason to celebrate.

In her book, No Greater Love, Blessed Mother Teresa spoke these beautiful words of wisdom:

What we need is to love without getting tired. How does a lamp burn? Through the continuous input of small drops of oil. What are these drops of oil in our lamps? They are the small things of daily life: faithfulness, small words of kindness, a thought for others…

This is excellent advice for anyone who is dreading the upcoming holidays because they’re alone. Just pause for a moment and think ahead to your upcoming Thanksgiving celebration. Are you stressed at the thought of what situation will drag you down the most? Is it seeing the family member who just recently got married and is bubbling over with joy? Is it someone you haven’t seen in a long time who will interrogate you over what happened? Is it that relative who wants to set you up with someone who is “perfect for you?” Maybe it’s the careless comments someone will make about your situation – believing they’re making you feel better when what you’d rather do is say something rude? Maybe it’s none of that and you just feel like you can’t go through one more celebration pretending everything is okay…

It’s easy to just duck out at a time like this. Better to remain guarded and reserved. But, while self-preservation may be the painless route to take, it does nothing to hone your ability to love others.

Wait, what?

Yes, it’s what we’re called to do no matter what our circumstances are. You may feel like you are the one who should be receiving the TLC right now, and you may very well be justified in that. But just think how incredibly meaningful and beautiful it would be to set those feelings aside and focus on others.

What we need is to love without getting tired.

Mother Teresa talks about loving others this way, in doing those little things – yes, even the ones that often go unnoticed. Picking up someone else’s dirty dishes as you leave the table to get a second helping. Taking the trash out without being asked. Spending time listening to your relative ramble on about nothing important without thinking terrible thoughts. Taking time to get to know your teenage niece or nephew who could really use your wisdom and guidance. Little things. And they don’t really go unnoticed because your Father in heaven sees them and He’s really the one that matters.

I’ll never forget one very important family gathering I was at just a few months after my divorce. It was painful for me to show up and face my family so soon after my ex-spouse had walked out and had humiliated me. I arrived and put in my time, but then I took off early without really investing myself in my family. Even though it may be understandable behavior, I will always regret being more concerned about myself that day because, while I was worrying about how to make a clean exit from the party, there was a relative who needed me. She was carrying a heavy burden and wanted to get my advice, but I didn’t spend any time with her beyond the obligatory greetings and hugs. I missed a real opportunity to help someone.

Loving others has everything to do with generosity. The generosity you practice now does have an eternal value, both for you and the recipient. If you pay attention to the national news, generosity really seems rare these days, but holiday celebrations can be full of gifts you give to others without ever making a purchase. And these gifts are the little drops of oil that keep your light burning bright.

As we prepare to begin this Jubilee Year of Mercy, you can make your holidays very special and rewarding, despite your divorce through small acts of kindness and generosity. Should you choose to accept this mission, you can expect many blessings from God because he will never be out done in generosity.

I welcome your comments and questions at [email protected].