6 Keys to Living Sex the Way It Was Meant to Be

There is a billboard in my town that gets a strenuous reaction out of me every time I pass it. It presents an image of a beautiful, voluptuous woman in a tiny black dress that reveals bulging cleavage, every possible curve, and legs up to the dangerous point. The slogan reads: “My little black dress doesn’t mean, “Yes.” Of course, in my mind, I always shout back, Then don’t wear your little black dress!

Everywhere you turn, there is sex. The magazine rack in the grocery checkout, the songs on the radio, TV commercials, movies, you name it. I was recently reading a friend’s post on Facebook and he was apologizing that someone hacked his phone and was sending sexually explicit images to all his contacts. Several of the responses were shocking to me. “Sorry I missed it!” or “Send some of that my way!”

Everyone loves pleasure, it’s part of our human nature. Henry Fairlie, a popular British journalist and social critic said: “Lust is not interested in its partners; all it is interested is in pleasure.” And he is spot-on.

So with all these sexual messages thrown at you in every possible direction, how do you live the virtue of chastity in thought, word, and deed? This can be especially awkward if you are divorced, because you are already used to the physical intimacy within marriage; and that can be difficult to curb. Many people believe being chaste and single is patently impossible, but it’s not. It is totally do-able and the added bonus to that is the peace and confidence you receive in knowing you are living sex the way it was meant to be, the way that brings happiness, not heartache. Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way that I know will help you:

1.    It Helps To Have Friends In High Places

The “high” in this instance means friends who share your desire to be chaste. Everyone needs a support system in his or her endeavors. When you pursue a college degree, you typically are surrounded by other students pursuing their own educational goals. It is important to have friends who understand your desire to grow in your faith and can even be of help in doing so. It’s practically impossible for the seeds of faith to grow in your heart when you are being choked by thorns (Mt 13:8). It’s important for you to surround yourself with people who support you and understand you.

2.    Location, Location, Location

Spend time in places that won’t be a source of temptation to you. Go to the grocery store that’s a few miles further than running in to your local convenience store that has racks of objectionable magazines. If your kid needs new clothes, try an outlet mall instead of the local retail mall with the stores that have soft-porn images splashed all over the walls.

3.    Clean Food, Clean Eating, Clean Speech

These days, clean food and clean eating are all the rage, and it’s easy to understand why; it promotes health and longevity. The same can be said for using clean speech, because words can be just as dangerous and damaging when it comes to sexual temptations. So, just start forming new habits if you struggle in this area… If someone tells a dirty joke, walk away or change the subject. Use the gift of your leisure time well by watching television that doesn’t drag you into the gutter with profanity and sexual inuendo. Let your speech reflect the goodness and beauty of life, not the depravity of humanity.

4.    Dress for Success

It’s not just about the men who may be watching, women watch as well (they don’t call ’em cougars for nothing!). Revealing too much skin or wearing clothing so tight it leaves nothing to the imagination can be the slippery slope someone else crashes on. Dressing modestly shows respect for the people you come in contact with and also shows respect for yourself.

5.    Surf with A Purpose

One of the key ways to stumble into sexual temptation is surfing the internet without a purpose. The traps are set and waiting. Make a pledge to yourself that whenever you get on the internet, you will have a purpose. Paying bills, buying concert tickets, reserving a hotel room… whatever it may be. You can avoid a great deal of sexual temptation in this one step.

6.    Go to Confession

Going to confession regularly can play a significant role in helping you break habits that are so easily developed in times of stress, loneliness and pain. Most of all, remember that we all fall. We all make the wrong choices from time to time, and the sacrament of confession is there specifically for when we need the strength and motivation to pick ourselves up and start anew.

For more in-depth advice on this subject, I invite you to pick up a copy of my book, The Catholic Guide To Dating After Divorce.