Feeling Like A Victim Because Of Your Divorce? These 5 Steps Will Help You Weather The Storm Of Suffering

2.     Seek help from your faith.

Christ knew that our lives here on earth would be difficult. He speaks to us very lovingly in scripture: “Come to me, all you who labor and are overburdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). In his infinite wisdom and love, he gave us himself to help us endure our sufferings. First and foremost, we find Christ most powerfully in the Eucharist. During this time of suffering, seek Christ in the sacraments and prayer. Prayer is like the physical therapy we go through after a bad injury or illness. It makes us stronger and reduces our pain. Pray daily for strength, and use that time to communicate your pain to him. He loves you and is close to you in your suffering. 3. Shift your paradigm.

In his landmark book, The Road Less Traveled, Scott Peck begins the book by talking about this very point. He describes the difficulty of life as one of the great truths. He states that, if we recognize the truth, we can transcend it, accept it, and thereby we process it until it no longer is difficult, but totally integrated into our reality. While it is very true that these words are easy to comprehend in the mind, they are difficult to accept in the heart. Just saying that something is no longer difficult does not make it so. However, accepting the reality that life has forever changed and those changes are demanding a response from you is a first step toward not only enduring the suffering, but allowing something good to come from it.

3.    Offer your suffering for someone in need.

Suffering because you have no choice in the matter may seem like a waste of time, but your suffering has value when you offer it up for the benefit of someone else. Do you have a loved one who is sick? Do you know someone who is suffering the loss of a loved one? Maybe someone struggling from the loss of a job? These are all opportunities for you to offer your suffering for someone else’s. By doing this, the act of bearing your suffering is actually making someone else’s burden more bearable. Doing this is truly an act of love. Try this: each morning and again every time you feel the weight of your suffering bearing down on you, say this short prayer: Dear Lord, I am really struggling. I offer my suffering up for: (specify for whom you are uniting your suffering).

4.    Distract yourself by focusing on others.

Another way to unite your suffering to someone else’s is to actually reach out and help someone. You can do this in a number of ways. If you personally know someone who is going through a difficult time, send them an e-mail letting them know you are thinking about/praying for them, make them dinner and bring it over, invite them to go out socially, mow their lawn, watch their kids, or wash their car. It can be anything. The point is to help yourself endure your suffering by helping someone else endure theirs. Get involved in a charity through your church or community. There are many outreach ministries that focus on helping those in need.

5.    Pray and contemplate the Stations of the Cross.

Praying the Stations of the Cross is a great way to unite your suffering to Christ’s. The Stations of the Cross depict fourteen ways Christ suffered as he carried his cross up to Golgotha and was crucified. Every Catholic Church has these 14 scenes of Christ’s suffering displayed on the walls of the church. They are always available to help you mediate and pray. Christ suffered so much pain and agony out of love for you, and praying the Stations helps you understand how love can be reflected in suffering. This allows you to gain strength to endure your own suffering with a sense of love for others. You can find a special version of the Stations of the Cross For Divorced Catholics on the Podcast page at my website.