2 Reasons Why Catholics Avoid (Or Ignore) The Annulment Process

Between the Extraordinary Synod on the Family in October 2014 and the closing of the ordinary Synod in October 2015, there was an unusual phenomenon witnessed in my opinion, and that was the outcry of so many divorced and civilly-remarried Catholics vying for attention to their cause and leniency in their personal situations with regard to receiving the sacraments. With all the hype in the media, this was difficult to ignore, but I thought it was curious that with all the debate over whether or not to allow the reception of the Eucharist for the divorced and civilly-remarried, no one really addressed the root problem… Why aren’t these folks going through the annulment process before they marry?

Dr. Greg Popcak wrote a great article post-Synod, making a valid point that the Church has not done a great job keeping everyone informed about the do’s and don’t’s of getting divorced (remembering we’re not supposed to divorce in the first place). I agree, there should be better efforts to keep the flock informed. Or maybe, there should be better efforts from the flock to pay attention? That being said, I don’t believe we can place the blame solely on the Church’s shoulders and here’s why…

I’ve worked with divorced men and women for nearly 15 years and it pains me to hear so many of them won’t consider going through the annulment process. They just completely ignore it altogether. When I ask them why they won’t consider it, I get a whole host of excuses ranging from, “I don’t believe in annulments” to “God knows my heart, I’m just going to go be happy,” which, based upon the outcry we heard during the Synod, we all know how that’s going to turn out.

But there are some honest, logical reasons people have given for avoiding going through the annulment process, and I’d just like to address the two most common of them for anyone who might be concerned.

1.    I Don’t Want To Revisit The Pain

This is a perspective I understand very well because that’s exactly how I felt even as I was filing my first round of paperwork. I had perpetual indigestion in the days it took me to fill out my second lengthy questionnaire and talk to my witnesses about theirs. But, it wasn’t useless, senseless pain, there was a cleansing aspect to it. It forced me to take an honest look at the choices my ex-spouse and I had both made and their consequences. It also helped me to lay that chapter of my life to rest in peace.

To my surprise, I had an epiphany as I mailed my paperwork back and began the process of waiting; no one had ever asked me those significantly important questions, questions that could have stopped me from every marrying the man I did. That blew my mind, and despite the pain, I was grateful because I had an entirely different perspective on what happened. Where else would I get that kind of healing? I was sad for all the people who never get the chance to experience healing and growth like that because they refuse to go through the process. All I can do is keep trying to convince people it’s a good thing.

2.    It Takes Too Long!

This usually is heard from people who see the annulment process as strictly utilitarian, as if it’s just some administrative detail they have to do so they can get married again. I’ve known many people who end up in unhappy second marriages because they weren’t interested in taking the time for the annulment process.

Setting aside the fact that Pope Francis has instituted “fast track annulments“, I believe the primary reason this happens is because one or both spouses have not properly healed from their divorces and have not worked to improve the areas in their own lives that contributed to the demise of their first marriages. Assuming nothing is going awry with the tribunal, ex-spouse, or anything else that might get in the way, I don’t think it’s too much to ask to wait for the process to be complete before jumping into a new relationship. As a matter of fact, it should be most people’s preference because, let’s face it, the decision will affect the rest of their lives. They should want the judges to be as thorough and confident in their decision as possible.

Past statistics have revealed that 67 percent of second and 74 percent of third marriages end in divorce. Since most people who divorce want to remarry at some point, we really need to help the divorced members of our communities and parishes to understand the principal reasons why taking advantage of the annulment process is so important – so they don’t end up in a world of hurt and cut off from the sacraments.

I hope you will take these points to heart if indeed you are dating or have plans to remarry without going through the annulment process. There is so much good and so much happiness that can be yours by taking the right steps before you get involved with someone else.