Human Connections In The Year of Mercy: Here’s How To Forgive Your Judas

We have all been through great hurts in our lives, especially those who have experienced divorce. We are called to love our enemies as well as our neighbors but how can we love someone who has betrayed us so badly? So deliberately? So insensitively?

Back in 2010, I had the privilege of hosting Archbishop Wilton D. Gregory of Atlanta, Ga., at the very first Journey of Hope conference for separated and divorced Catholics. The Archbishop celebrated mass for us that Sunday and his moving sermon impacted everyone there, even the hotel staff.

Archbishop Gregory talked about his own experience of being a child of divorce and from that experience, he shared that one of the most important things a divorced person must do to move past their divorce and into a new phase of life is to let go of the emotional baggage.

“We draaggg these burdens around with us as if they are important possessions,” he said in a dramatic tone, mimicking a person dragging a heavy load. “But all they do is prevent us from having a deeper relationship with Christ, and a deeper relationship with each other.” When we insist on clinging to our baggage, we forget that Christ has cleared all that away and makes each of us new; we are new creatures in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Who Is Your Judas?

This Jubilee of Mercy is all about conversion of hearts, forgiving those who have hurt us. But, so many times it’s difficult to get that message across from your head where you know it to your heart where it hurts. In times like these, it’s good to contemplate the gospel account of Judas’ betrayal of Jesus because it’s easy to picture Judas as a complete good-for-nothing. Sneaky, deceitful… yes, you might even say wicked. You have your own Judas who has betrayed you who is lurking in the shadows of your heart. Will you ever be able to forgive that person?

Again, we turn to Jesus and Judas and try to contrast that saga with our own story of just anger and unforgiveness…

Jesus wasn’t wrong when he called Judas as one of the 12. No, when Jesus called Judas to be an apostle he called him for all the gifts he had to offer. He called him because he loved him and knew he had the potential to be great. In turn, Judas believed in Jesus, and he wanted to spread the Gospel with him. This is probably the same way your Judas started out… with mutual love, friendship and good qualities.

Somewhere along the way – many believe it was during the Bread of Life discourse in John 6 – Judas lost his faith and became “the traitor.” And somewhere along the way, your ex-spouse – your Judas – lost it too.

Despite Judas’ grave betrayal and knowing Peter would later deny him three times, Jesus still got down on his knees after and washed the apostles’ feet with great love. He told them, “I have set the example, and you should do for each other exactly what I have done for you (John 13:15).”

This is the example He wants you to follow now.

We have all been through great hurts in our lives, especially those who have experienced divorce. We are called to love our enemies as well as our neighbors but how can we love someone who has betrayed us so badly? So deliberately? So insensitively?

You can love by following Jesus’ example and washing the feet of your Judas. NEVER! you may say. But wait… let your emotions die down a little and re-think your answer.

There are many ways to wash someone’s feet because what that really equates to is being humble and treating your Judas with charity. Praying for your Judas is the best way to start. It can be really hard to pray for someone who has hurt you and that’s understandable. But it’s not impossible.

Depending on your situation, you may even have the opportunity to not only pray and work on forgiveness, but offer an olive branch of some sort. Only you know what’s possible with your Judas. It’s worth considering.

God has stockpiles of graces He is waiting to give you and He does so, generously, and as He pleases, but He still wants us to come to him when things are difficult and ask him for the particular graces we need so we don’t have to bear the burden alone. His grace will fortify us in every encounter, in every situation.

Don’t let the graces of this Jubilee Year of Mercy pass by without asking God to show you how you can wash the feet of your Judas, and live a more happy and fulfilling life because you have been able to forgive.