This last weekend, my wife and I got away to celebrate our upcoming 25th anniversary in October. While trying to get our heads around the notion that we have been married 25 years and been together 28, we took time to walk in the woods in the place where we started our adventure following our marriage 25 years ago, The Adirondacks State Park system in New York. We stayed at the now closed Wilderness Lodge in Wilmington, NY, home of Whiteface Mountain.
The Arrival
We got up around 0500 on Thursday to finish packing the car, drop the dogs off at the kennel and drop our youngest off at the grandparents. After a 7-hour drive, we arrived to our cabin and venue that was sort of like the description in the listing. It was a real “oh” movement. It would take a couple of days for that feeling to wear off. Sitting after dinner, we were thinking about what rating we would give the place, vacillating between a 4 and a 5, after getting back, I settled on a 5.
Day 1 – Giant Mountain
As my internal alarm clock starts going off at 0500 these days, I eventually made it out of bed at 0545 and started the coffee. Today, we would be tackling one of the many 46’rs in the Adirondack Park, Giant Mountain. Giant Mountain is a prominent peak in the Adirondacks of New York, standing at 4,627 feet, making it the twelfth-highest mountain in the state. We would eventually discover that the route I had planned on OnX and the route listed on Alltrails were off by several miles, making our 7.5-mile day a 10-mile day. The hike up was rough for my wife and brutal for her on the way down. She would end up with huge heel blisters that are still healing as I write these words.
The views at the top were majestic and breathtaking and after a tired, long hike, we arrived back at our car, 6 hours and 18 minutes after we set out. By the end, we were moving around a mile an hour. Worried that my wife would be really unhappy with me, she surprised me by telling me that despite her feet being in rough shape, she had fun. As promised, I bought her ice cream, and all was gravy and smooth sailing afterwards. We got back to our cabin and tucked into a dinner of salmon patties, shrimp, potatoes and green beans.
Day 2 – The long Bike Ride
Day 2 was our bike day. The big goal for me this trip was getting a good bike ride in and climb Giant Mountain. Seeing an area by bike is intimately different than seeing it by foot. You can travel further and enjoy more scenery on a bike. Initially, I was very ambitious with my bike riding plans, but as my wife is not nearly as experienced as I am on the bike, we discussed several options that were easier. Finding that a rail trail that was established after our initial trip in 2000, we decided to do a 40–60-mile ride on that with some adventure riding included.
After finding out the breakfast we originally had planned on had frozen in our little fridge, we opted for breakfast at Sonshine Bagels in Lake Placid, one of the best bagel shops I have ever been too. Afterword, we made our way to the bike trailhead and rode to just short of Tupper Lake and then some riding on an old snowmobile trail and then some road riding before hopping on the bike trail. In all, a 49.7-mile day. Tina flatted out and after a quick fix, we were back on the ride. We stopped at an antique store and a cool ice cream shop for some blueberry/peach soft serve and then a very scenic, fast ride back to Saranac Lake where we connected back with the bike trail.
We would have dinner in Lake Placid at the Lake Placid Brewing Company enjoying much earned half pound burgers.
Day 3 – “Short” hikes
Waking up on day three, I tried to explain to my wife that the soreness we were feeling from our adventures was the good sore that comes from wilderness adventuring. I do not think she totally bought it. We had a much lazier morning than the last two days and eventually made our way out of our cabin for two short hikes. Henry’s Woods in Lake Placid and Mount VanHoven just outside of Lake Placid were our hikes today, just short of 7 miles of hiking. Having our fill of hiking, we made our way to our cabin and read till dinner. We packed up the equipment we could for the ride home and just chilled the rest of the day.
Day 4 – Home
We again woke up at 0500 on day 4 to begin our long journey home, taking the long route from Lake Placid to Old Forge before exiting the park. We stopped at Inlet for coffee and second breakfast. Yesterday and today, the wildfire smoke was really thick and while the views were pretty, it was very hazy. We picked up our daughter at grandmas, I picked up a ring I bought for my wife for our anniversary, and we got home, and I immediately left to get the weeks groceries and then returned for dinner. The trip over, it was a melancholic event as the weight of things coming up for week began weighing on us.
The Key to a Successful Marriage
In a healthy relationship, the setting is open, with both partners leaning into each other and mutually expressing not only love but wants and needs, reciprocally giving back to each other.
Tina and I have been together for 28 years. That is a long ass time, especially considering how immature I was and uncontrolled my ADHD was for the first 10 years of our life together. I made a mess of our finances, took on a master’s degree when I really should have not. Tina has stuck by me and has leaned into me. Tina has struggled with her depression on an off throughout our relationship and now as empty nesters and post menopause, her depression has taken on a whole new dimension of miserable for both of us.
I teach the Gottman Method to couples in my office. “The Gottman Method is a structured approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, focusing on improving communication, managing conflict, and enhancing emotional connection. It is based on decades of research and aims to help couples build stronger relationships through specific interventions and skills.”
On our last day together, our short day, Tina and I had what I will call a 25 year check in, looking at where we have been as a couple and where we are going. The “state of the union” meeting is a crucial part of the Gottman Method as it keeps the couple informed about changes or events that important to each other. The Gottman’s call this deepening our understanding of our partner’s love maps. This is the list I curated that Tina and I discussed:
25 Year Couples Check In
Memorable Moments
What are the top three memories from our time together?
What experiences brought us closer?
Growth and Change
How have we both changed over the years?
What personal growth have we witnessed in each other?
Challenges Overcome
What challenges have we faced together, and how did we overcome them?
How did these challenges strengthen our relationship?
Values and Beliefs
Have our values or beliefs changed? If so, how?
What core values do we still share?
Communication
How has our communication evolved?
Are there areas where we can improve our communication?
Intimacy and Connection
How has our physical and emotional intimacy changed?
What activities or practices help us feel connected?
Future Aspirations
What are our dreams and goals for the next 25 years?
How can we support each other in achieving these goals?
Fun and Adventure
What fun activities or adventures have we enjoyed together?
What new experiences would we like to try in the future?
In Closing
It has been a wild ride, 4 kids, 4 dogs, 4 cats, multiple moves, bankruptcy, several pandemics and lots of love. I tell my clients that marriage is work. You must do something every day to earn that wedding ring. You can never take your marriage for granted.
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