I am not a perfect dad and neither are you! Being a father is probably the hardest thing a man will do in his lifetime! The bad news is that you will do some really dumb things as a father. The good news is that you can do something about it! Today I want to go over the second worst thing fathers do…
Put your marriage last.
I realize there are many single parents. And I want you to know that you are not second class. If you want us to pray for God to send you a good spouse don’t be too proud to send us a prayer request to that effect.
But if you’re married you need to remember that as important as children are, they are going to grow up one day and leave you, and hopefully you will still want to stay with your wife. You don’t want to be an empty nest divorce statistic. You need to nurture and grow in your romantic relationship with your wife while the kids are still home. Don’t think you can put the vitality of your marriage on the back burner while you raise your kids. And this goes for the mothers too. Don’t neglect your husband ladies!
Here’s the wisdom God gave Solomon on this issue…
18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. (I don’t know why Solomon used wild animals to illustrate love but I guess back then it was romantic) Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. 20 Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? Proverbs 5:18-20 (NLT)
The 5th chapter of Proverbs begins with the king warning his son to stay away from promiscuous women. Most of us know that women who are willing to have sex with anyone are searching for security, not sex. We need to be like Jesus toward these women and offer our understanding but at the same time point them toward the truth that real security can only be found in a relationship with God.
One of the best ways to counterbalance the lure of infidelity and marriage break up, is to keep the fires of romance burning in your marriage. But one of the biggest obstacles to husbands and wives enjoying the intimacy that God created them to enjoy is the presence of children in the home. Kids take up a lot of time to feed and clothe and train. But the Bible wisely advises us to not let marital closeness wane during the years of raising children.
What’s the Plan?
So you’ve got to have a plan. You’ve got to make time to be alone with your wife. Date your mate! You gave one another complete attention before you were married, it’s called dating, and you need to keep it up!
Hire a babysitter, or trade babysitting responsibilities with another couple with kids, or get the grandparents or an older couple in the church to watch the kids, and get away regularly for a night to be alone. Don’t feel guilty about leaving your kids with someone else. Studies have shown that when a strong marital relationship is visible to the children they actually feel more secure and thrive in their personal growth! The opposite is true when the children sense that they are the center of the home. When all of the attention and all of the affection is fostered on them they actually become emotionally imbalanced! Child-centered families make neither healthy parents nor healthy children.
Spend time with your children but spend time alone with your wife too.
Make children sleep in their own beds and have set bedtimes. Parents are the executives of the family. They make and have the right to enforce the rules. So be a man and spend time with your wife!
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