The Role of a Husband and the Wisdom You Need to Succeed at it – Part II

The Role of a Husband and the Wisdom You Need to Succeed at it – Part II April 1, 2019

I’ve been writing about the wisdom we all need to succeed at whatever role in life we find ourselves in. If you are married, then you have probably been following this series. I wrote about the S word for the wife which is submission. Then we looked at the S word for the husbands which is Sacrifice!  Sacrificial love will pay huge dividends in your relationship with the woman you married. Do it now before it’s too late. Do it and you will have NO regrets! It’s Gods way of loving us, and if it works for God, it will surely work for you!

So Loving your wife will mean sacrificing for her. Now we will take a look at what loving your wife looks like in practice. To love your wife in a biblical sense, you will need to do the following 3 things:

I. Lead Your Wife

Ephesians 5:23

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (from New International Version)

Everyone knows that the head is the leader. Just like your head leads your whole body. Christ is the head and leader of his church and you, husband, are to be the leader of your home.

Some of you are out there saying, “That’s right, I am the leader.” But what is it that you are to lead to? In other words, when you sacrifice and show love to your wife, how does that help your wife?

Ephesians 5:26-27

26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (from New International Version)

Holy Wife, Batman!

God wants you to be an instrument that helps make your wife holy. But, how does that happen? How do I make her holy you may be asking? Well, you are not capable of making her holy, only God can do that. Therefore, don’t stand in her way as she seeks God and His holiness. She should be reading her bible, spending time in prayer and regularly attending church.

Furthermore, you lead your wife when you spend time studying with her and then taking time to talk with her about what you are reading in the Scriptures.

And most important, husbands need to lead their wives by setting for her an example. What does that mean? That means YOU need to be studying God’s Word and seeking to understand the Scriptures, and YOU must be spending time in prayer. You can be studying together or apart, but make time at some point to discuss what you are studying.

What Else?


There are other ways that you show your leadership too. But the thing is that we need to be servant leaders like Christ was, not dictators.

Paul writes in Colossians 3:19

19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

If you are having to yell and scream because you think you need to be leading, you have completely lost your ability to lead effectively and you are going against what God would have you do.

Husbands, when we are leading appropriately, in a godly way, our maturing Christian wives will eventually follow. This may take time, if there has been a history of poor leading and of mistrust, but if we press on in doing right, God will work it all out! Loving your wife also means to:

2. Be Considerate of Your Wife

Peter writes in 1 Peter 3:7a

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, (from New International Version)

The New American Standard translates it this way. 1 Peter 3:7

7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker

The Greek words translated as ‘considerate’ or ‘Understanding’ are Kata gnoosin which literally means “according to knowledge.” We need to gain knowledge about our wives, we need to know their temperaments. It’s important to know if they are a morning or night person, what they like and what they dislike. Why should we know these things about our wives? It’s so we can better live with them according to that knowledge.

I Know You!

Husband, do you know your wife? Are you living with them in accordance with that knowledge? That means making an effort to do those things that you ‘Know’ will help the situation or help your wife to grow in godliness.

If you know that your wife is not a morning person, don’t say to her, “Honey, I need to be a better leader and sacrifice more here. I am going to get up a 6 am and take care of the kids so you can spend some time in God’s word.”

You need to be considerate of your wife and understand who she is. If she is not a morning person, then don’t try to get her to be. You sacrifice by finding another time that you can help her to be in the word.

Husbands, Be cautious!

It is vital that you don’t use what you know about your wife to frustrate her. If one of her pet peeves is leaving the toothpaste cap off and you normally put it on, then don’t leave it off, when you happen to not be getting along.

In that case you are using your knowledge of her in a destructive way. In doing things like that, you are not doing so to live in harmony with them, but to drive a wedge deeper between you. That is not being considerate, it’s borderline evil! Live with your wife in an understanding way and gain knowledge about who she is so you can better lead her.

That verse goes on to say

1 Peter 3:7

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

(from New International Version)

Another way to love your wife is to:

3. Respect Your Wife

Respect is important, and we all can agree on that I am sure but how do we do that? Well, understand that Your wife has a difficult job. She is married to you! That in itself makes it hard because you are a flawed individual who has been given responsibility to lead her and to lead your home. Do you know how hard that is to submit yourself under?

Your wife deserves your respect and understanding. And gentlemen, understand this. If we are not giving them the respect they are due, as a consequence, our prayers will be hindered. Do you know what hinders our prayers? Sin.

Isaiah 1:15

15 When you spread out your hands in prayer,

I will hide my eyes from you;

even if you offer many prayers,

I will not listen.

Your hands are full of blood;

(from New International Version)

When we are not treating our wives with respect and consideration by being considerate of them and their feelings and respecting them as a person whom God has created, we are sinning and we are harming our relationship with the Lord.

Where Are You Lord?

If your relationship with God doesn’t happen to be going the best right now, ask yourself, “Is it because I have not been considerate and respectful of my wife?” But don’t just ask yourself, ask God that question. Ask Him to search your heart. So make sure you respect your wife, this is another way you show her love.

Each of these things we have talked about here communicate love to her.

  • Sacrifice,
  • Servant leadership,
  • Being considerate of her, and
  • Being respectful of her

Just make sure you do these things with an attitude of love. And what does that look like? I am glad you asked. Let me give it to you straight, God says it better than me. When he spoke through the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul was speaking about how to use some of the gifts God has given. But he said even if you use the gift God has given you, but don’t do it in love, it is meaningless. The same is true of these things we do for our wives!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

(from New International Version)

Guys, don’t keep score. Don’t say, I’ll do this if you do that. That is not leading, that is just conducting a business transaction. It is not a relationship.

The Perfect Wife

I want to close with a story about the perfect wife. There was a husband who wanted so desperately to have the perfect wife. He thought he could make his wife into the perfect wife that he wanted her to be. He demanded that his wife conform to rigid standards of his choosing.

She was berated into doing certain things for him as a wife, mother, and homemaker. He even had written lists of what she was to do.

But the relationship between this husband and wife was terrible. The wife grew to hate her husband and his lists of rules and regulations. Then one day the husband died—mercifully as far as the wife was concerned.

Some time later she met and married another man. This husband was committed to his wife and her joy and growth in the Lord. His love for her poured itself out in his actions. She also, devoted herself to him.

Then one day, she ran across a list of rules and regulations from her first husband.

To her amazement she found that she was doing for her second husband all the things, her first husband had demanded of her, although her new husband had never once demanded anything. She did them as an expression of her love for him and her desire to please him.

He had won her devotion by his demonstration of love, leading her to be a godly women by his own sacrifice, consideration of, and respect for her.

Guys you want a godly wife?

Do you want that picture of your wife you had in your head on the day you repeated your vows? Then be a godly husband by applying these thing to your own life.

Now go…. and show yourself a man!


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