Warning! Don’t Make this Parent Mistake.

WARNING…, when you as a parent try to Be Your Child’s Best Friend, you are making a grave error.

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This week we will take a hard look at parenting as we continue to discuss the 7 worst things parents do. Today’s episode is somewhat controversial. That’s because I believe that trying to be your child’s best friend is one of the 7 worst things parents do. Let me explain….

 A huge mistake. The word of God tells us in Proverbs 19:18 

“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” 

How many of you “discipline” your best friends?

1. Jackson Brown, the author of the best-selling “Life’s Little Instruction Book,” wrote another little book based in large part on the wise teachings of his own father. One of the quotations from his father goes like this: “Fathers are pals nowadays because they don’t have the guts to be fathers.” (p. 95)

I like that quote not only because it highlights the tough job of parenting but also because of its insight. It is good insight because it jives with the wisdom God gave Solomon. Solomon was like every other parent. He wanted his children to love him. But he knew that his love for his children meant that sometimes he had to man the unpleasant role of disciplinarian and not best friend. The Bible is not saying it’s not okay to be friends with your kids. But your kids need you to step up and be something more.

What happens when a parent tries to be their child’s best friend? It’s like a teacher that tries to get everyone to love them. My tenth grade biology teacher, was a great person – charming, friendly, and smart. But our class was always in chaos because she tried to be everyone’s best friend instead of being the person in charge. In a healthy family, somebody is always in charge.

When parents and children have a weak boundary between them the result is chaos. Going to the other extreme of having a very rigid boundary between them is no better. Neither one of them is healthy. Children need to feel the safety of boundaries as well as the love of their parents in order to grow up emotionally healthy.

It may “feel” good for a parent to be their child’s best friend but it harms the child. If they get mad at your decisions you won’t break. It’s normal for people to be disappointed when we say “No.” Parents have to say “No” sometimes.

Children need to learn sooner rather than later that life isn’t full of “Yes’.” Build your child’s self-esteem without making them think they’re the center of the universe. They’re not. And by making them your best friend, you are hurting them more than you think. That’s because children need structure from their parents, not best friends. Which leads to the next worst mistake parents make: Failing to give them structure! 

So Don’t miss next week’s episode when we bring up the fifth item in my list of the 7 worst things parents do.