These Are Hard Times for Satirists

You try your best to be absurd in order to get a point across and then somebody comes along and repeats all your ridiculous humor in red-faced, spittle-flecked earnest:

“These findings do not sit well with all obese Americans. Advocacy groups formed to “end size discrimination” argue that it is possible to be healthy “at every size,” taking issue with the findings that obesity necessarily comes with added medical costs.”

Not that this concerns me anymore. Now that I have lost 75 pounds, I no longer demand that you affirm my Jolly Pride since I am now a Trans-Fatty who is undergoing Slender Identity Reassignment. Now the Church must embrace and fund that–or else. Non-fat chocolate milk and sugar free chocolates are health care and you must be forced to buy them for me or you are an intolerant bigot. End the Catholic war on Jolly and Trans-Fatty rights!