…invited us, her subjects, through her personal television network ABC, to join in the national celebration of her nativity. She also had a double secret birthday party which we, her subjects, were not invited to since only the super-coolest people could be there and, well, look at you, you loser. But as a sign of her magnanimity, she did allow us to pay for it with our taxes. We praise you and bless you, Bride of the Lord Obama, for stooping down and letting us pay for the party we are not allowed to know anything about. You are, like your husband, just and wise for not letting us know what you do. We are unworthy, but hope you will keep taking our money as a sign of your approval. Let your reign be ever more secret that the unclean not find grounds to criticize your perfection.
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