Seattle Seahawks Secure Solid Second Place in Superbowl!!!!!

Seattle Seahawks Secure Solid Second Place in Superbowl!!!!! February 2, 2015

New England Patriots Crawl Across Finish Line Next to Last.

I think we can all understand how the Patriots must feel going home, licking their wounds from the drubbing Seattle gave them.  They should have known it would be humiliating, when the Porcupine of Prophesy warned them in vain to forfeit:

But with that stubborn New England resolve that saw them through Valley Forge and the career of the Red Sox, these hard-headed sons of the barren, rocky northeastern soil that gave us such luminaries as the Boston Strangler and Benedict Arnold pressed on, determined to dash themselves against the Mount Rainier of valor, integrity, sportsmanship and, gosh darn it, American pluck and sanctity that are our Hawks.

An aside: some people ask me if I, like the superstitious Toby Zeigler of The West Wing, wrote two pieces, one if the Hawks won and another if they lost:

But, of course, I did not, for I knew that failure–true failure–was impossible for the Legion of Boom, and they did not disappoint. Oh sure, seen with the eyes of worldly man, they “lost” in the sense of not racking up points on some so-called “scoreboard” somewhere. But when you see with the eyes of True Insight you realize the real game of the Spirit they were playing and grasp how overwhelming our victory was. I get misty just thinking about it.

The Hawks, as is their gracious and gentlemanly custom, let the opposing team score the first points. Then, lest the Patriots become too big with pride, they scored an equal amount, did the whole thing again, and brought things to a tie by half time.

Some felt that they were holding back. And when, renewed by the awesome spectacle of American Womanhood that was Katy Perry, they returned to the field in the second half, it became clear that this was all too true. Suddenly, the Hawks brought their A Game. They quickly dominated the Patriots and retained that domination to the bitter end. It was as though, by some ancient art, they were drawing strength from the very bones and muscles of the earth herself, as though God had given Russell Wilson some preternatural power infused in him by sheer sacramental gift to tread down his foes like grass, to hear the lamentation of their women. Sorely was that holy man tempted to simply give in to naked, pagan pride, to recreate the nightmarish world of our barbaric long fathers in which the strong do as they will and the weak suffer what they must.

But no. When the Hawks had brought the ball to within one yard–ONE YARD–of overwhelming victory and made clear to the entire world that it was entirely *our choice* whether to tread the dignity of a proud team of mere mortals into the mire, Russell Wilson, a Christian gentleman of the highest calibre, chose to lay down the perishable crown of earthly glory for a golden one of celestial greatness. Seized with mystical insight and ineffable charity for the least of these, Wilson’s eye, wet with the tears of pure compassion and love for his enemies, realized that we had had the trophy for an entire year, we had driven the Patriots to within inches of despair, we had already proven we could win this game!

Knowing that, and secure in his profound manhood, Wilson therefore made the bold choice, the unexpected choice, the divine choice: he threw the ball to Malcolm Butler (already told in a vision that the Superbowl crown, both the glory and the burden, would pass to him). Having thus humbly laid down his own pride, Wilson was assured a place in the pantheon of true winners in the kingdom of heaven, where he may be shortly going when grateful Seattle fans greet him on his return.

The Seahawks, for their part, graciously accepted this gesture of humility and engaged in a little manly wrassling with the Patriots in the closing moment of the game as their way of saying “Good effort, guys! Happy to let you win!”, leading to some good-natured whistle-blowing from refs and so forth. Seattle fans went home filled with sheer amazement at Seattle’s last play.

Sheer. Amazement.

New England Patriots: You did your level best and nobody can ask any more than that. I’m sorry that you were not able to win without our doing everything in our power to give you the victory and I realize how humbling that must be to you. But we in Seattle, with our customary towering humility, want you to know that we still respect you after that embarrassing game and wish you well as you strive to become just half the man that St. Russell Wilson is. Hope to see you next year at Super Bowl 50!

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  • Scott

    Must have literally killed you to write all that gibberish!

    • StumbleBumble

      And great gibberish at that. Gracias, Mr. Shea. ;p

    • Eli

      Good grief, it was a joke.

      • Scott

        Good grief, I know that.

    • chezami

      On the contrary, it was great fun!

  • capaxdei

    Poor form, Mark.

  • Tweck

    Beautiful! And I love the Conan reference.

  • Dave G.

    Woody Hayes once said that when you pass the football, only three things can happen and two of them are bad. Seattle demonstrates as it hands the victory to New England in probably the worst play call in the decades I’ve followed football. Oh well, that’s football.

    • It sure made for an entertaining last 20 seconds, though!

    • Dave

      I suppose you could argue the same about running, though. You could either gain yards, lose yards, or fumble. But when you have Lynch and you’re at the one yard line, I think almost anybody could make that call.

      • obpoet

        Could we perhaps say, it was “worshiping the intellect, rather than using it?”

  • Beautifully written, Mark! I only hope that we New Englanders can learn from your gracious and wise example.

  • Dave

    Since they never would have made it to the Super Bowl in the first place without a bunch of weird/fluke plays against GB, it was a fitting shock ending. But yeah, what kind of play call was that? Give the ball to Lynch four times in a row, and then if the Patriots stop it, you tip your cap to them.

  • orual’s kindred

    This was a tough match for me. I wanted Mark Shea’s team to win, but I didn’t want Captain America’s team to lose. So thanks to Russell Wilson and the Seahawks for making everything work out alright! 😀

  • The denial is strong with this one.

  • RMYMG42

    A blogger who posts under the name of “Borepatch” says it all.
    Gotta say I’m with Stalin on this one.

    Monday, February 2, 2015

    “That was the dumbest play call in Superbowl history

    I can’t imagine for the life of me why Seattle ran a pass at the New England goal line. There was 30 seconds left on the clock and they would have been up by 3.

    Stalin would have had the coach who called that play shot.”

    Posted by Borepatch at 7:01 AM

    • Dave

      Then again, Stalin would have had pretty much everyone shot.

    • Paul

      What is just as amazing is that Belichick didn’t call a time out to preserve some clock time after the “inevitable score.”

      I read reports now that it was a calculated decision based on 3rd down possibilities………and, well, let’s just say that when he finally retires from head coaching, he will probably make a few bucks on the lecture circuit discussing the practical application of statistic.

  • jroberts548

    The play call was bad, but let’s not ignore Carroll’s ineffably awful clock management. If they had wasted only one time-out earlier that drive, instead of two, they could have ran the clock down to 26 seconds and then ran 3 times from the one. Instead, after running the clock down, and with only one time-out, they had to pass on either second or third down from the 1.

  • Vince

    That Lombardi Trophy was kissed more times than some people in their lifetimes. Golden calf idolatry, or in this case, silver calf? Fun and entertaining, sure, but really? Kissing?

    I dunno.

    Vince

  • Pete the Greek

    WTH??? There was a football game yesterday?

  • Shari Lopez

    Like most Seattle fans got to invoke denial. lol This is why people hate the Seahawks; the fans wont shut up when they win and then are in denial when they lose :p nvoke

  • fredx2

    You forgot to mention Tom Brady’s handing the ball over to the Seahawks on the ten yard line or so, in a similary Christian Gentlemen fashion. And he did it twice.

  • Gunnar Thalweg

    It was one of the best played games I’ve seen. Few penalties, excellent execution, quick tackles, and a few big plays.

    Right as the game wound down, I said, the Patriots have played as well as they can, controlled the ball and the clock, but Seattle is just a better more talented team. And — wait for it — every big play has been Seattle’s.

    Except for the last.

  • anna lisa

    It was a really exciting game. My husband had a monetary interest in the Patriots winning, but I felt a regional allegiance to the Seahawks. The commercials made me a little melancholy until the end of the game when my son sprang from the couch, and jumped up and down yelling “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!” That was pretty funny.
    I’m glad our local homegirl Katy Perry kept it PG-13, because my five y.o. was glued to her every move. When she sang “Firework” it made me chuckle and think about Kim Jong Un, lol. (terrible movie!)

  • Lance

    Why even in religion blogs so much coverage of something 2 out of 3 Americans totally ignore? Not just this blogn either.
    And so much concentration on so much only the concern of relatively wealthy upper middle class folk with latest electronics and frequent air travel jet setting?
    As much as so many blogs rail against a self absorbed popular society, they turn around and tacitly approve of such and even add to inane SuperBowl hype adding to the other free advertising from all other media, helping Bowl promoters to suck more millions from faceless “comsumers” instead of God’s creatures.

    • chezami

      I realize the Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone somewhere is having a good time, but for thos of us in Seattle the Superbowl was interesting and (mostly) enjoyable. This is a blog about stuff that interests me. You are welcome to start a blog about stuff that interests you.

      • Rob B.

        You have my sincere condolences, Mr. Shea. However, they are tempered by the fact that your team started last year’s Super Bowl by scoring a safety against my adopted team…

    • DeaconJohnMBresnahan

      Being a resident of a Boston suburb, I thoroughly enjoyed the game and its results.
      However, I was watching the game with a lot of relatives which included some teens, pre-teens, and little kids. And one of the last ads was a parade of almost naked young women promoting Victoria’s Secret. Needless to say the young males let loose streams of appreciative ribald laughter while the young females turned bright red and clearly wished they were elsewhere.
      Don’t the morons that run the NFL or TV networks have any common sense or common decency. Surely their research shows them that watching the Super Bowl are millions of families and young people.

      • Blutooth

        I missed that parade. When was that parade? All I saw was the game. And some dancing palm trees, which made me wonder if I ate too many chili dogs laced with, perhaps, aged blue cheese that was too far gone.

        Bluetooth

      • orual’s kindred

        Don’t the morons that run the NFL or TV networks have any common sense or common decency.

        Perhaps not. Perhaps they in fact support abolishing what we Catholics and like-minded people would call common sense and/or common decency.Or perhaps, having been raised and primarily/solely informed by the current culture, they fail to see any problem with their chosen product placements. Or perhaps their research showed a potential increase in sales that they’ve decided is worth doing away with common sense and decency (at least in regards to their advertisements). And again perhaps the matter is a mix of the above possibilities.

    • Liam

      Relax, Lance. I take it you were cut from the junior varsity and never got over it. Don’t be a hata, as the kids say today. Even guys like Gronk and Malcolm Butler are “God’s creatures.” So let’s laugh with the Pats and weep with the Hawks.

      And people fly in airplanes. Something else you need to get over. So go get some ice cream and put on a happy face.

      Liam

      • Lance

        There were more posts on “religious blogs” regarding the Super Bowl than there were about the Feast of the Purification of Mary and the end of Christmas…clearly not being attached to the world is Puritanism around here…as is a call to higher ethic and focusing on things of true meaning….enjoy the blog and discussion folks…..it is all yours….but will leave with observation that most conversations seem to be geared around a profoundly materialistic upper middle class lifestyle.

    • orual’s kindred

      Based on his other posts, it would seem that Mark Shea is not much of a sports fan (as neither am I and other commenters here). However, it would appear that a considerable number of people in Seattle take an interest in the Seahawks, especially with last year’s championship win. Mark Shea is based in Seattle, and his interest would seem to be that of a Seattle resident who takes a general interest in matters and events that relate to Seattle in general. He is not insensible to the less laudable aspects of the sport, as his humor-oriented post above shows.

      And as to football being a concern of the upper middle class, I don’t know about that. I have rather thought that the popular idea is that football is for middle-class (and lower) Americans. Either way, I don’t see that it is a game which a certain demographic has or should have exclusive claim to.

      With regards to “tacitly approving the hype”, again, Mark Shea’s post is, I would think, as much lampooning the football culture as it is enjoying the fun side of the game. And among the blatant hype and commercialization, at least two celebrities have pledged to visit two organizations that are focused on helping children, as part of a friendly bet (Link).

      Yes, there is plenty of irresponsibility, corruption and idolatry in the sport of football. The above blog post, however, does not endorse any of it. And I could be wrong, but I would think that Catholics can enjoy the game without supporting or engaging in any of it as well, and the publicity can be for the benefit of more worthy causes.

  • Chris Landreneau

    Hey! New Orleans Saints in Superbowl 50!

  • Rick

    Hey Mark, your interpretation of sporting events are consistant with your interpretation of current and historical events in the Catholic Church well done sir. Historical Event: New England Patriots 28, Seatle Seahawks 24, the rest is personnel interpretation. I am shocked actually that Seatle didn’t win because there was a full moon last night and the vampires and werewolves of the NW should have been at full spiritual strength. A simple answer to the out come of the Super Bowl is that the coach over thought a basic principle, an illness apparantly common in the NW. I am saddened that a good young man like Russell Wilson will have to carry that moment with him the rest of his life. As one that as a fan has had to deal with “Red Right 88”, I feel for the future sufferings of the Seatle Seahawk fans by them having to relive that painful moment for the rest of their lives when ever some similar event happens in the world of football.

  • Elmwood

    Tolkien couldn’t have penned it better himself.

    • Rob B.

      I was thinking this was more Chesterton than Tolkien… 🙂

  • booringshow

    I like all the patty-cake on the butt! What a manly event!