Two Barriers to Fulfilling Sex

We’ve talked in weeks past about the common barriers hindering the pursuit of sexual satisfaction in marriage. Some—like physical exhaustion—are easy to identify. But others may be more subtle.

One major barrier is spiritual. Many people operate on the belief that sex is the devil’s territory and not God’s. They have a misconception about sex, thinking that enjoying it is somehow dirty or wrong. As if a person can’t be spiritual and sexual at the same time!

I disagree wholeheartedly with that way of thinking. In fact, I believe it’s high time we rescue the subject of sex from the devil’s camp and recognize it as holy in God’s eyes.

Remember, sex was God’s idea! He created it!

Having a deeply spiritual relationship with God doesn’t exclude a man or woman from having a deeply sexual relationship with his or her spouse. God’s desire is for couples to enjoy sex to its fullest, without any shame or guilt.

The devil wants us to think that God is a prude, but the truth is that God created sex for both procreation and for pleasure. It’s one of the greatest benefits of marriage.

Instead of giving the devil credit for something so wonderful, we need to thank God for this beautiful gift.

Another subtle barrier to sexual satisfaction in marriage is volitional. What do I mean by that? A volitional barrier occurs when one spouse is unwilling to meet the other’s needs.

Maybe one spouse decides to withhold sex as payback for some perceived slight, or to teach the other spouse “a lesson.” I’ve even heard of spouses denying sex in order to get something they want, shallow and petty though that seems.

This kind of behavior—whatever the cause—is unhealthy in a marriage.

A lack of commitment to meet each other’s needs has a profound impact on the ability of a husband and wife to respond sexually to one another.

A successful marriage requires that both husband and wife say, “I am totally committed to this marriage in good times and in bad. I am not going to withdraw or become complacent. I will aggressively meet your needs—whatever it takes!”

When a spouse lacks this kind of commitment and instead displays an uncooperative or hostile attitude, it usually requires seeking help through counseling.

Many couples may balk at this suggestion, but remember that getting counseling is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of wisdom.

Your marriage is too important to ignore such a serious problem. Find a counselor who relies on God’s Word as the standard, and let him or her guide you to a solution.

If spiritual or volitional problems are keeping you and your spouse from a healthy sex life, please know that these barriers—subtle though they may be—can be overcome. I’ve seen it happen among couples I’ve counseled, and I’ve seen it happen in my own marriage.