Her Need for Sacrifice

When Karen and I first got married, I was completely selfish. I just didn’t care. I golfed all the time and worked all the time. But there’s nothing that makes a woman feel more insecure than a selfish, detached male.

I didn’t understand this about Karen. I didn’t know she needed her husband to be selfless and sacrificial. But that’s where her security comes from.

Men don’t need security the way women need security. We feel secure in ourselves. For example, think about the ongoing joke about men being unable to ask for directions while driving. It’s a cliché, but it’s definitely true in our marriage.

I just don’t stop to ask for directions when I’m driving. Why? Because I feel like I can get there. I come from a long line of great explorers, you know? I’ve got this finely tuned mental compass.

So I’m telling Karen “I’ve got it taken care of.” But she’s asking me to stop to ask for directions because her security doesn’t come from my so-called mental compass.

It’s not that she is weak. It’s just that she’s more sensitive to the world around her than I am., which means her internal security is less than mine.

To have a successful marriage, it means you understand all day long that the way for your wife to feel more secure in your her life is for you to connect with and help her.

Show her you care. Show concern about the kids, the finances, her emotions, and the spirituality of the home. Ask about her job. Fix the broken washing machine. Come into her world and handle things for her instead of letting your actions say “who cares?”

If she feels better about you asking for directions, then by all means, stop and ask for directions. When she feels insecure, the only thing that will make her feel secure is showing her that you care.

Keep in mind that her insecurity is based on need. She needs you for her world to be right. She needs you, your gifts, and your strengths. She needs your understanding and partnership to help bring order to her world.

The most fulfilling and healthy marriages have husbands who will be sacrificial toward their wife, who will say “I’m here to help” and will do whatever it takes.

Ephesians 5:25 says it best: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

How did Christ love the church? He loved selflessly and sacrificially, and that is the kind of love we men need to model for our wives.