7 Signs your Husband is Depressed and How to Help

Below are some warning signs that your husband might be struggling with anxiety and/or depression. I’ve been guilty of ALL of these at various points when I was struggling. Your husband might be battling with anxiety and/or depression if (in no particular order):

1. He seems to have lost interest in things that once excited him.
2. He is quick to react with anger and/or sadness, but slow to react with happiness or laughter.
3. He often “zones out” and seems distant.
4. He often escapes into distractions such as the internet.
5. He becomes irrational, impatient and easily-irritable.
6. He may increase food and/or alcohol intake as a means of coping.
7. He becomes fixated on negative thoughts.

If you’re seeing any of these in your husband, please help him. You can’t “fix” him, but your love and presence in his life can be part of the solution God uses to bring him healing and restoration. I know it can feel overwhelming to know where to start, and maybe your husband is pushing you away as you try to help him, but don’t give up. Ultimately has to decide that he needs help. You can’t make the decision for him, BUT you can point him in the right direction by doing the following things (in no particular order):

1. Encourage him to talk to a counselor. Most men have a negative stigma about counseling. It’s a blow to our pride to admit we need it, and we convince ourselves that “shrinks” are a waste of time. The truth is a qualified counselor can provide a positive breakthrough. I’ve personally experienced the positive impact of a great Christian counselor. Keep encouraging your husband to give it a try.

2. Pray for him. Prayer is powerful. God will use your prayers to change your situation, but He will also use your prayers to change your perspective. Pray for yourself as well. Pray for wisdom and strength. Keep praying. God is with you in this. God loves you and loves your husband. He will carry you through this and give you strength for the journey.

3. Balance encouragement and tough love. Speak words of life and hope to your husband. Keep reassuring him and encouraging him, BUT there might also be moments when you need to give tough love. If your husband isn’t taking any steps toward getting help, there will be moments when you need to say things like, “I love you no matter what. I’m here for you no matter what, but I love you too much to allow you to keep living like this. God has a better plan for you and a better plan for us a family. I’m not going anywhere, but I’m also not going to settle for this as the status quo. We are getting help. I’ll be with you every step of the way, but you need to take action. Let’s start with counseling. I’ll go with you if you’d like me to.”

4. If you feel that your husband might be a risk for suicide, intervene immediately. Suicide has become a leading cause of death for men. While women attempt suicide more often, men die by suicide more often because of the violent means they typically choose (guns, etc.). I don’t tell you this to frighten you or make you paranoid, but it’s important to be aware of the reality that when a man isn’t himself, the sadness can lead him to make terrible choices he wouldn’t usually make. To his irrational way of thinking, suicide can seem like a way to end the suffering, and he might even tell himself his family would be better off without him. If you feel your husband might be at risk, please talk to a counselor or call one of the many suicide prevention hotlines to find solutions and steps to intervene.

I know that these moments can feel incredibly discouraging and isolating, but you will get through this. I can tell you from experience that we serve a God who will never leave you or forsake you. I pray that Christ, “The Prince of Peace,” would bring peace to your hearts and your homes as you trust Him in these moments of great struggle. You will get through this, and it will become a powerful part of your testimony someday.
For more tips and tools to help build your marriage and your faith, please check out the many resources available at www.MarriageToday and www.XOmarriage.com.