Three Steps to Renewal (Part 3)

Over the last two weeks, we’ve been discussing how struggling marriages can be healed when husbands and wives return to their “first love,” based on Christ’s words to the Ephesian believers who had forsaken Him.

Revelation 2:5 says “Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first…”

Today we’re considering the third step in this plan for restoring relationships. After remembering “from where you have fallen” and repenting (changing directions), the final step of reconciliation is to “do the deeds you did at first.”

Notice that Jesus isn’t commanding his followers to muster up emotion or feelings, but to take action. Invest your time and energy into the relationship regardless of how you feel. Joy can’t be faked. It will come when the work is done.

I’ve experienced this personally. When God began healing my relationship with Karen, it was at a time when I had lost all feeling for her. We repented to each other and forgave one another, but both of us had serious reservations about becoming emotionally vulnerable again.

We were at a standoff. We needed to act, but our wounded and unhealthy feelings were holding us back. So we simply had to stop listening to them, and instead listen to the Word of God. We obeyed. We started doing the things we knew were right for each other.

After just a few days, we both were surprised to see significant changes not just in our relationship, but in our feelings, too. Within a few months, our marriage had gone from the brink of divorce to a much more satisfying place.

Now, don’t get the wrong idea: We’re not superheroes. We still experience the occasional frustration in our marriage. But we did listen to God, and we did make a conscious decision to return to the sacrificial, others-focused actions that most couples display at the beginning of a relationship.

How did you treat him when you were trying to capture his attention? How did you treat her when you couldn’t stop thinking about her? How did you listen? How did you serve? How careful were you with the words you said and the tone you used? Return to those actions.

If God can do it with us, He can and will do it for anyone else—including you. That we are able to share our story with you today isn’t a testament of anything we’ve done, but of God’s faithfulness. His Word is true, and his love is powerful.

Have all of our problems disappeared? Of course not, because we’re still human. But our disagreements are much less significant these days, and when we do disagree, we’re able to work through them without damaging our love and trust for each other.

Remember from where you’ve fallen. Turn back to it, then resume those actions of early love. That’s God’s plan for restoring marriages, and it works. Karen and I are proof of it.