Grace and Truth: Two Extremes

Once I counseled a man who was raised in a “hellfire-and-brimstone” preaching church. As a child he lived in insecurity and the fear of eternal punishment, hearing from his pastor and parents how he failed to meet God’s standards. He grew up thinking his eternal security was tied to obedience and a holy lifestyle.

You can guess what happened: As an adult, this man lived in constant insecurity. He became harsh and demanding. His wife described him to me as “a perfectionist who is never pleased with himself or anyone else.”

He never praised his children or wife. When they failed, it was met with criticism and condemnation. The man and his family were miserable. There was no grace in their home. It was full of raw truth without the balance or beauty that mercy provides.

At the other extreme, I also counseled a woman who had an equally unbalanced family life—only she was raised in a home without boundaries or standards.

Her parents had divorced. Her single mother worked, maintained an active social life, and left her daughter to fend mostly for herself. As a teen, this woman was never corrected for drinking, smoking, engaging in premarital sex, or anything else. By the age of 18, she had lived a very empty and sinful life.

When I first met with her, it was like meeting a hollow shell of a person. She’d had an abortion. She had no joy, no hope. Without anger or judgment toward her mother, she explained her promiscuous and sinful past by saying, “I was never told not to do those things.”

While this woman never doubted her mother’s love, she regretted the lack of protective standards in her home. Her upbringing was all freedom and openness but no truth. Though it may have looked beautiful from a distance, the absence of truth proved deadly.

The Bible describes Jesus as “full of grace and truth.” His life was in perfect balance and is our example. Successful marriages and families are built on a balance of grace and truth—having either one without the other can be dangerous.

You must understand this: One of the most powerful determining factors of our concept of God is the character of our parents and the relational atmosphere of the home in which we are raised.

In short, we relate to God based on how our parents related to us. Who you are impacts how your children view God. The quality of your marriage and home life influences who they become as adults.

That’s enough motivation for us to examine our own lives and personalities. How balanced are grace and truth within your life?

As spouses and parents, we must realize that our ability to have healthy relationships is based on a balance of grace and truth—in marriage, in our home, and even in our individual personalities.