For communication to work in any relationship, both members must abide by certain rules. There is a right and wrong way to communicate with each other, and over the years it has become clear to me that, while healthy communication can strengthen a marriage, poor communication can destroy it. One of the top communication skills that must be learned in a healthy marriage is the ability to speak in a caring tone. Early in our marriage, I had a horrible... Read more
Every strong marriage has found a way to maintain right priorities. This can be a tricky thing to do, because often what happens is that the things we are trying to balance are all good things — family, exercise, activities, church, and even work. Work is a great example of a good thing that occasionally gets placed too high on the priority list. Let me say this about work: We go to work to make money to bring home to... Read more
I received a message on Facebook this morning from a man who is suffering in secret. He is part of a large-but-invisible fraternity to which he never wanted to be a member. He’s among the countless men who feel bullied or abused by their wives. My wife Ashley and I talk openly about abuse in marriage, but the topic of abuse we typically discuss is the physical or emotional abuse husbands can inflict on wives. Most of the culture’s conversation... Read more
How many people do you know who work and work and work to the point that they are miserable, their spouse is miserable, their kids feel abandoned, and everyone is completely stressed? And how many of those people justify the stress because they believe it’s only temporary? They tell themselves, “Someday, we’ll make enough money and we’ll finally be happy.” People today are driven to succeed. What we don’t often realize is that there are two curses of the driven... Read more
(Adapted from Jimmy’s newest book, When Life Hurts) Whenever I speak about “the hurt pocket,” I almost always ask the audience a simple question: “How many of you would say you’ve experienced an event in your life that was emotionally devastating? Something so wounding that it actually altered your personality—maybe even your future?” Without exception, almost every hand is raised. I then ask a follow-up question: “How many would say this painful issue has been resolved?” Now, the response is... Read more
As individuals, our most important dependency is upon God. But we must also recognize our need for human relationships—the kind that help us relate on a social, emotional, and practical level. These relationships give us pleasure and fulfillment, and they include friends, extended family, and work associates. There are two kinds of human relationships that meet this need: 1) Spouses. The most important relationship on this level is with a husband or wife. Whether we recognize it our not, each... Read more
Have you ever been in a situation where a salesperson has treated you with indifference or even outright contempt? There have been a time or two in my life when an attempt to return something as insignificant as an article of clothing has left me feeling judged and humiliated by a stranger. It’s insulting when you are treated disrespectfully simply because you have tried to communicate your needs. You weren’t looking for an argument, but you end up in an... Read more
We’ve often taught in our culture that jealousy is a negative thing, but what we need to consider is that jealousy is a protective emotion. It protects the priorities in our relationships. So when you stand at the altar and get married there is a built-in jealousy that God puts in you. Exodus 34:14 says jealousy is an attribute of God: “Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” The good... Read more
Apologizing and extending forgiveness are essential to cultivating a healthy marriage. When a spouse refuses to apologize, it absolutely breaks the other spouse’s heart. It makes them feel disrespected, unloved, and unimportant. Over time, this refusal to admit wrongdoing creates a huge wedge between a husband and wife. So what can a spouse do to encourage his/her spouse to apologize? It starts with appealing to the heart. Sometimes, a spouse may not apologize because they simply don’t know that what... Read more
When we get married we enter into a beautiful union where we can no longer think only of ourselves, but we must work together to make collective decisions that are best for both spouses. One way we can consistently do this effectively is by asking one another’s permission before making most decisions. However, I want to point out that this practice requires a delicate balance. Permission is not a word that adults like to use or hear…unless directed towards their... Read more
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