Jesus describes the Holy Spirit as our “helper” in John 14:16. In this passage, the Greek word translated “helper” is procolasit. It means “called alongside.” As our helper or companion, the Holy Spirit will walk alongside us as the most faithful friend we could have. And I believe that a great wife will exhibit many of the characteristics of the Holy Spirit in a marriage relationship. Once of these shared roles is as convictor. In John 16, Jesus says that... Read more
There are two dangerous extremes in our society today related to our bodies and sex. The first is the drive for physical perfection, which causes many people to pursue unhealthy extremes to try to make themselves more attractive. Related to this are spouses who hold their mates to unrealistic physical standards. Not long ago, I counseled a separated couple who were verging on divorce. The husband constantly criticized his wife for her weight. He kept comparing her with women’s bodies... Read more
We hear a lot about personal independence these days. We’re told to “be your own person” and encouraged not to follow the crowd. And there’s a lot of truth to that, because “the crowd” doesn’t always make godly decisions. But as focused as we are on independence, we need to be reminded of one thing: God created us to be dependent beings. We are created to rely on Him and Him alone. That means personal independence is a deception and... Read more
As we counsel, speak, and otherwise minister to married couples, Karen and I are committed to helping them understand something that we learned firsthand during those troubled early years of our marriage. That lesson is this: It is never too late to start over. It is never too late to make your marriage work. No matter how dysfunctional your marriage seems. No matter how distant you feel. No matter how much pain you’ve endured or afflicted, you can decide today... Read more
Anyone who has ever studied what the Bible says about marriage will be familiar with Genesis 2:24, which describes God’s plan for the relationship between a husband and wife. In the King James Version, it reads this way: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Because it’s so familiar, we often miss a very interesting part of the verse: the word cleave. That word is... Read more
We recently received a message on Facebook from a wife who was feeling frustrated, discouraged and hopeless in her marriage. To paraphrase her message, she said… “I don’t know what to do anymore. My husband and I used to be best friends. We used to be in love. I don’t know what changed or when it changed, but now it feels like we’re just roommates. We’re just two strangers sharing a house and sharing bills and sharing kids, but this... Read more
“What am I supposed to do if my wife won’t have sex with me?” I wasn’t surprise by the bluntness of his question. Having worked with married couples for many years, I’ve heard it all (or at least I’ve heard a lot). His frustration is a relatively common one and this area of “sexual neglect” is one of the most frustrating marriage issues I hear from husbands (and in some cases from wives as well). The man went on to... Read more
In John 14:16, the Bible says this about the Holy Spirit: “I will pray to the Father and he will give you another helper forever.” The word helper in the Greek language is procolasit, which means “called alongside.” Jesus says that, as our helper or companion, the Holy Spirit will be with us forever as the most faithful friend we could have. It occurs to me that a great wife will exhibit many of the characteristics of the Holy Spirit.... Read more
In order for a couple to have the kind of healthy sex life God intended within marriage, positive communication about each other’s needs and desires is essential. But in my years counseling married couples, I’ve found one thing over and over again that hinders good sexual communication. It’s a repressive attitude about sex. Some people—especially women, in my experience—are raised to view sex in a negative light. All sex. It is usually communicated through a parent’s sexual comments and attitudes.... Read more
One of my favorite word pictures related to a successful family is “a playground with a fence around it.” A family should be fun. It should be a warm and welcome place built around enjoying God and each other. Through planned activities and prioritized relationships, it should be a sanctuary of enjoyment and encouragement. It should be a playground! But it’s a protected playground. To protect our family relationships as well as each individual, we need clearly defined rules. This... Read more
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