Here’s something every parent needs to know: Parenting is more caught than taught. What your children see in you is a far more powerful influence than what you tell them to do. This means that parents with a strand of rebellion in their own personalities are bound to see heightened rebellion in their children. These parents will have a more difficult time keeping their kids’ rebellion under control. Why? Because their own lives contradict the demands they put upon their... Read more
When a couple books a marriage counseling appointment with me, I’ve learned two things are usually always true about them: First, they’re having marriage problems. This is an easy bet, since most couples don’t choose counseling unless they’re having trouble working things out. Second, I assume the wife is the one who suggested counseling, and I’m right about 95 percent of the time. Most men would rather spend an hour staring directly into the sun than talking about marriage problems... Read more
Last week we discussed Genesis 2:24, which describes God’s plan for marriage to be a complete union: “And they shall become one flesh.” In marriage, what was once owned individually is now managed jointly, without exceptions. I call this the Law of Possession. Legitimate jealousy occurs when the Law of Possession is violated—when a husband or wife holds onto something outside that union. I saw this with Fred and Marilyn, a couple I once counseled (their names have been changed).... Read more
What are you most passionate about? Are you most passionate about God? That’s a hard question, because if we are honest, most of us will admit that we are not really as passionate about God as we ought to be. That means our time, talent, and treasures are being invested somewhere other than in our relationship with God. In Matthew 6:21, Jesus says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” The Greek word that is translated... Read more
In his book The Winning Attitude, the author and speaker John Maxwell wrote that “attitude is the advance man of our true selves.” He says our attitudes go before us. They show who we really are. They draw people to usÉor repel them. That is absolutely the truth. Our attitudes often reveal more about us than our words. That’s why I believe a person’s attitude is the prophet of their future. When you have a bad attitude, it can... Read more
A healthy family is characterized by order and mutual respect, elements that are present when proper parental authority is exercised. Romans 13 says authority is from God and is for our good. 1 Samuel 15 makes clear that submission to authority is a virtue, and rebelling against us is sinful. A follower of Jesus submits to the authority and will of God every day, and in doing so, lives in the blessing of God’s peace and presence. Our authority as... Read more
Sin is the ultimate destroyer of relationships. Not only does it make people do stupid and irresponsible things, but it distracts us from our purpose, dilutes the bond God created in marriage, and causes untold damage to families. But if we live out the Ephesians 5 model for marriage—if husbands love their wives as Christ loves the church (v. 25), and if wives submit to their husbands as they submit to the Lord (v. 22)—we begin to disable our basic... Read more
It’s a delicate and biblical way to put it, but Genesis 2:24 is an obvious reference to sexual union: “And they shall become one flesh.” When we experience sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex, physically we become one with that person (see 1 Cor. 6:16). But beyond that obvious meaning of “one flesh,” Genesis 2:24 states a law of marriage that permeates every area of life. I call this the law of possession, and it is the... Read more
A good marriage needs love, but a great marriage needs redemptive love. That’s the kind of love that reflects Jesus by doing the right thing even in response to the wrong thing. Occasionally a husband or wife will respond to a problem the right way: by talking it over. Maybe you approach your spouse and say “What you did really bothered me and I would like to talk about it because it really hurts me.” But what if they don’t... Read more
Once I was having skin problems and went to the doctor. I was 20 or 21, and suffered from eczema and other issues. I was hoping for a prescription that would help clear it up. Once in the office, the doctor looked at me and then left the room. I waited. After awhile, a nurse came in. She brought a tape player this was a few decades ago with a cassette tape loaded up inside it. She put them on... Read more
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