“Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn’t mean they have the right to boss you around.” –Lysa Terkeurst
This is so encouraging today. It has been a long week and a half. I went in to visit my doctor a couple weeks ago for nausea, vomiting, severe cramping and exhaustion. I thought it was a cyst, but they couldn’t find it right away, which meant immediate blood tests (looking for appendicitis) and an ultrasound (looking for ectopic pregnancy). Stomach pain is scary stuff, but I didn’t feel fear or anxiousness, which was incredible for someone with PTSD. God is kind to the broken.
The ultrasound revealed a large cyst. I get these regularly. Apparently, lots of women who have had Hyperemesis do. The treatment is a 10 day high dose of progestin and that usually works, but I have to stop my other hormone treatments during those 10 days. Migraines, fatigue, insomnia, muscle spams, cramps, nausea and vomiting all return during that time. We also all came down with head colds that week.
I asked God to help me learn how not to complain as part of my 2015 New Years Resolution, and He has faithfully supplied me with plenty of opportunity to practice this month. He has also supplied me with support from friend’s words and prayers, His word to encourage me, and the Holy Spirit to minister to my spirit. I failed a couple times, caught myself complaining, fought through three minor panic attacks, but I was convicted in a timely fashion, made it right and found comfort in grace.Feeling yucky can be blinding, but it is good to remember that feelings aren’t necessarily true. I may feel overwhelmed, but God will sustain me. I may feel like I’m destined to vomit forever, but God has given me respite more often than not. I may feel cranky, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthened me, I can be joyful even when I feel cranky.
I’m looking forward to getting back on my normal hormone regimen tonight and thankful to know relief from a lot of these symptoms are on the horizon. This world isn’t perfect, often cures carry their own undesirable side effects. But God IS perfect. He loves me perfectly, He offers perfect truth and perfect, just mercy through Jesus. I may feel dead on my feet today, but I know tomorrow is fresh day and all I need do tonight is rest in Christ.