Two Years Later

From the archives — we are now three years later. Last night I spent most of my evening nauseous, retching, fighting off the tears. The medications I am on have some really horrible side effects if you forget to take them. I am fighting to remember that these kinds of trials come from God’s hand and if I get angry about this, I am really getting angry with God. Which would be ridiculous because God has always carried me, blessed me and protected me. Slowly and painfully, we are training my heart to rejoice in these trials, and instead of complaining and looking inward to how I feel and what I want or what I think life should be like (or who to blame), I’m learning to look to Christ and it is there that I see all His kindness reflected back at me:

My husband, who is lovingly standing beside me, comforting me and nursing me in my times of helplessness.

My children, who are beautiful and challenging and resilient and ultimately a delight to live with.

My Bible, God’s word, which encourages my spirit and points me back to Him.

They are all there. Mercy upon mercy, piled up so high I can’t see what the future holds. But I am not afraid and I will not be discontent. I will not focus on this momentary suffering, but be strong of heart and laugh at the days to come.

The Lord is my shepherd, I can’t take my eyes off Him.

Happy birthday, my funny, crazy, little Man. I wouldn’t change a thing! May the Lord bless you and keep you, Liam Daniel Baines Carnahan. The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you,

And give you peace.