The kids started school on Monday. It feels strange; having these afternoons to myself. There is so much on my To Do list but I feel too tired to do any of it. I want to get out of the house. I want to work again. It has been almost 11 years since I was an active part of the workforce. I’ve been busy. Raising the next generation of adults is good work, but isn’t easy. I’ve begun submitting resumes’. The idea of being paid to do the jobs I already do at home is an amusing notion. A bit more money, a bit more sanity at no cost to the children or Ben if I play my cards right. It is good. But who is going to hire me? The medication transition over the last couple months has been rough. We are taking 1mg of Abilify and 4omg of Prozac now — I am beginning to feel sane. Trazodone still helps me sleep. We are making progress. I’m clinging to grace and working to extend grace like my Father does to me. I’m not supermom, He didn’t make me that way. It is ok to rest, to set boundaries and yes, it is even ok to work outside the house as a wife and mom. God doesn’t fit into tidy boxes. I am convicting myself to be confident that my Father delights in me the way no other father possibly could. He knows me, He likes me, He isn’t embarrassed by me. I can live fearlessly, knowing that he loves me, that he will convict and encourage me the way no one else can. He will dress me in fine linens, befitting a daughter of the King. He does not grow weary of my mistakes, my antics, my foolishness. He loves me. And if He can love someone like me — rest assured that He absolutely loves you too.
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