When Emotions Become Obstacles

O God, do not keep silent; be not quiet, O God, be not still.

Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead.

C. S. Lewis

Dread. I’m feeling lots of it these days. There’s a conversation coming that I’d do just about anything to avoid. Wish I could. Wish I could. Wish I could. But in my heart of hearts, I know I have to summon up some backbone and the courage to open up a topic (again) that’s always been a difficult one to address. And because I care about this person deeply and cannot imagine living life with this individual (in my life intimately,) a two-way conversation has to happen. I so wish it didn’t.

Sad thing is, even before I speak the first word, I can almost picture this other person physically tensing up because we’ve gone down this rocky road before. It’s a particularly touchy territory since both of us feel so passionately about the subject. It’s far more complicated than either of us believing we are right and the other person is wrong. I’d like to think in some respects, both of us are right. We just come at the issue from different perspectives.

Pray Before Speaking

If it were only an intellectual differing of opinions, the stakes would be so much lower. Instead, emotions run high here…too high…and feelings become so intense that our words tend to become inflamed as well. Once the emotions fire up, all the tried and true facts we’ve rehearsed ahead of time fly straight out the window. Feelings. Feelings. Feelings…let me trying thinking instead, writes C.S. Lewis. I concur. There’s nothing I want more than to work through this sticky situation with gentleness, grace, and a calm composure. In theory, and with God’s enabling strength, I know it’s possible. I also recognize that I must bathe this conversation deeply in prayer before I can expect any lasting peace to be forged between us.

Relational stresses are part and parcel of all relationships. They just are. The sooner we accept that fact, the faster we can get on with the work of “working through” misunderstandings, miscommunications, and all the other mishaps that plague us humans as we interact one with another. As we consider the people in our lives, one truth that will help us get along better with other folks is this: relationships are messy. In author Paul Tripp’s words, relationships, messy though they are — are a mess worth making.

Pray When Speaking

Whether our personal bent is to run toward (or away from) relational conflict zones, every single individual has to deal with those sticky situations from time to time. When we are forced to face something we might have said (or done) that has offended another person, stepping back for a bit until we can take the emotions out of the situation (or at the least, notch them down a few levels) is a very good beginning. Imagine the power a quiet heart and mind possesses.

Our blessed emotions can spark in us the passion to right a wrong, enter a dangerous scenario to offer needed protection, and to bring the highest form of encouragement to someone we love. As high as our positive feelings go, our darker emotions can pull us just as low. Which is why we must think through a problem before we enter a conversation. Emotions should inform us, not lead us.

Pray, Pray, Pray

I’ve always paid attention to the Proverb that says, “…With many words comes many sins.” The truth is, I’ve not always heeded this principle. To my own shame and regret, I’ve frequently spoken out of turn…and then, in turn, had to go and ask for forgiveness. Which is why I now try to temper even my most emotionally distraught moments by imagining myself having to go into relational repair mode after talking out of turn. Not a pretty mental picture. My ability to imagine such dismal scenarios has prevented me from impulsively writing an angry email or spouting off in retaliatory fashion. It has also protected those I say I love from my sinful undisciplined tendency to allow my emotions to lead me rather inform me. The more I quiet down inside, the better I communicate on the outside. And that’s good for everybody.