Love and faithfulness meet together, righteousness and peace kiss each other.
“An openness, when fitting, makes us a magnet for the people around us who are longing for just one person in their lives to be “real,” to listen to their story without raising an eyebrow, to let them weep without providing advice.”
Carol Kent
We have family and we have friends. If we’re blessed, our family members can also be our friends. More often than not, I hear folks register some measure of dismay when they talk about extended (or not so extended) family members (and gatherings.) We’ve all heard the saying, “you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.” Because I believe God has a terrific sense of humor by virtue of some of his natural/animal creations, I also think He enjoys a good belly laugh as He carefully places each of us into our birth families. Then, He laughs even more as we marry into our spouse’s family of origin.
God Places Us Where He Desires
Despite what each of us may believe we need in a family, God knows us so well He tailor designs every single individual (read Psalm 139) before we are even born. Then He places us into the family especially suited for us. Suited how? Suited for our growth in maturity. The older I get and the more folks tell me the real stories about their childhood home lives, the more I realize how odd and eccentric we all are. And when you combine different personality types and opposites in natures, there’s going to be turmoil and times when you doubt you’re all part of the same gene pool.
And still, God knew what He was doing by creating the family in the first place. You take a dad and a mom and several children, all of whom are highly dependent upon one another socially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and economically…and you’ve designed a pretty dynamic unit. Whether it thrives according to God’s original intent depends upon the many choices of its members. One abiding fact holds true, severing the family bond is costly for everyone.
Family Life Is Where We Grow
While I always want to work hard at creating a home environment where all of us feel safe and loved, I also know that during those rocky, tumultuous seasons every family goes through, each of us will put down deeper roots than if our family dynamic were clear sailing all the way. The winds of adversity blow fierce on every person…but how blessed is the one who knows that no matter what conflicts have arisen in the past…their family members will always have their backs. Remember the proverb that says, “a brother is born for adversity…”, aren’t you glad that it’s true? I am.
Friends we can walk away from. Family…not so much. Am I ever thankful for this truth. God really did know best when He created the family unit because He understood our sinful human propensity for running from conflict, for giving up too quickly, for failing to hang in there with people over the long haul. If we had our way, we’d probably be changing (and exchanging) family members as often as we change cell phone plans. One thing is for sure, if extricating ourselves from our family of origin were easy, we’d always be eyeing others for an upgrade over the newest current model.
Imperfect Families Every One
While there’s nothing more satisfying than enjoying wonderfully in depth, heart to hearts with our best friends…I believe when we experience these same moments with family something supernatural takes place. We get a glimpse of God’s love for each of us. The Creator of Heaven and Earth, who loves us beyond measure, also knows our deepest failings yet He unconditionally offers His love to us. Don’t our families offer us a similar type of love? They’ve grown up with us, fought with us, debated with us, forgiven us, stood behind us, and have been hurt by us. And yet…love us they do. That’s the wonder of a family. It’s a place where I’m real. You’re real. And between us that realness becomes a magnet for good things to unfold.
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