For the past few years I’ve felt what we teach at the Boundless Way was the Harada Yasutani koan curriculum resting upon a base of shikantaza.
I realize that’s not quite right.
We actually offer a single practice. Standing here we call it shikantaza. Standing here we call it koan introspection.
From one position we say sit down, shut up and pay attention.
From the other position we throw out points of engagement from our tradition to grab that attention.
Here I’m thinking about what we mean when we use that word attention. After all some Zen teachers will notice it is a bit extra, a tad too much…
So, while a pretty good word, it’s not quite right when trying to point someone to the Zen way.
Attention usually is about the object (with all sorts of hidden assumptions about the subject). Noticing this. Or that.
Good stuff, no doubt.
But the invitation is actually to an intimacy even deeper than object and subject meeting, you and me within our various relationships. Although this is not meant to disparage that or to pretend such is not important. And this is important.
Still, this meeting is not precisely what this project is about when all is said and done. We’re being invited to a step further down the way, to an intimacy that words cannot capture…
Within our zazen we are invited to notice object, to notice subject, to notice the ant crawling across the floor in front of our gaze, to notice the questions of Mu rising in our minds, to notice any thought rising in our minds, to notice the feelings that rage across us like summer squalls, or the itches, aches and pains, the longing, the anger, the wishes, the planning…
But, then, rather than telling a story about any of these things, where the ant is going and to what purpose, to the meaning of Mu, no the really deep meaning of Mu, to the fact that this idea is really important, I mean so very important and how it needs to be worked through to its end, or to that burning question of whether the time keeper may have had a heart attack and died and the bell will never ring, never, ever: just notice what presents without following it.
Allowing it its own space.
Allowing time and space to just be.
In this moment.
Allowing our own minds to just be.
In this very moment.
And our bodies…
With all their twitches and pains and aches and longing, deep longing, to just be.
Here. Now.
Noticing…
And informing all of this, just a moment ahead of forming the word itself,
Curiosity.
It’s not about effort. It’s about grace. We don’t earn it. We open to it. If only for that moment. If only to get a perspective on what action must be followed later. To know ourselves. To save us from suffering. To save the world. Whatever calls to our hearts and sets us on the pillow. Good stuff, all. But… But…
But, really, its about something much more important. A place where our words and our feelings each begin to fail us. But to use some words, about the fundamental matter…
Through awakening.
Through endarkenment…
To use some more words. It is the great voyage of discovery, launching out into the great night across the fathomless ocean.
It is the journey home.
Some call this natural mind. Some call it ordinary mind. Some call this Buddha’s mind. Too many words, of course. Some say only don’t know. And here are a few more…
Curious about the objects arising.
Curious about the body and mind that embodies both subject and object, self and other.
Deeply curious.
But not, not at this moment, following…
Just noticing.
Deeply, outrageously, completely, full body, full mind, in this fraction of a heart beat,
Curious…
That kind of not knowing…
Well, that doesn’t quite put the project to words, either. But for the moment, it’ll have to do…
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